Categories
internets

Please reply immediately its very important..

from Ian Davies
reply-to [email protected]
to transmothra
date Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 11:17 AM
subject Please reply immediately its very important..
11:17 AM (18 hours ago)

I am Ian Davies ;an accredited vendor of Alliot Groups, a
subsidiary firm of Emirates International Holding (EIH); A private
equity funds holding company that focuses on hedge funds.

I have contacted you in the hope that you can be my associate to
assume the new
recipient of a Fixed-Income deposit, valued at 25MUSD

Once I file your details as the new recipient to the funds, the funds
will be approved through the AUTOMATED CLEARING HOUSE (ACH) – A
facility used by financial institutions to distribute electronic debit
and
credit entries to bank accounts and settle such entries. Under the
automated clearing house system.

Once your details is approved as the new recipient; a Credit advice
will be issued in your favor and the funds will clear in your account
within three banking days. I am willing to give you 40% which is 10MUSD
as your
commission out of the 25MUSD for your assistance in providing an
account
to
clear the funds. I am confident you will be honest enough to adhere to
our
agreed commissions in spite of the 25MUSD coming through your account.

I will need you to forward me your legal names address and phone to
file your details on the fund as the new recipient in this first Quarter
of the
financial fiscal year 2011

Looking forward to working with you.
Ian Davies
Accredited vendor
Alliot Groups PS
Awaiting your legal names,address and telephone number

from Ian Davies
sender-time Sent at 2:34 AM (GMT+02:00). Current time there: 12:43 PM. ?
reply-to [email protected]
to transmothra
date Fri, Mar 4, 2011 at 2:34 AM
subject Hope to hear from you its very important.
hide details 2:34 AM (3 hours ago)
I am Ian Davies ;an accredited vendor of Alliot Groups, a
subsidiary firm of Emirates International Holding (EIH); A private
equity funds holding company that focuses on hedge funds.
I have contacted you in the hope that you can be my associate to
assume the new
recipient of a Fixed-Income deposit, valued at 25MUSD
Once I file your details as the new recipient to the funds, the funds
will be approved through the AUTOMATED CLEARING HOUSE (ACH) – A
facility used by financial institutions to distribute electronic debit
and
credit entries to bank accounts and settle such entries. Under the
automated clearing house system.
Once your details is approved as the new recipient; a Credit advice
will be issued in your favor and the funds will clear in your account
within three banking days. I am willing to give you 40% which is 10MUSD
as your
commission out of the 25MUSD for your assistance in providing an
account
to
clear the funds. I am confident you will be honest enough to adhere to
our
agreed commissions in spite of the 25MUSD coming through your account.
I will need you to forward me your legal names address and phone to
file your details on the fund as the new recipient in this first Quarter
of the
financial fiscal year 2011
Looking forward to working with you.
Ian Davies
Accredited vendor
Alliot Groups PS
Awaiting your legal names,address and telephone number

from transmothra
sender-time Sent at 4:47 AM (GMT-05:00). Current time there: 5:44 AM. ?
reply-to [email protected]
to [email protected]
date Fri, Mar 4, 2011 at 4:47 AM
subject Re: Hope to hear from you its very important.
mailed-by transmothra.com
hide details 4:47 AM (56 minutes ago)
My Dear Friend Ian,

I am so glad to hear from you! Twice in one night! I very much hope that you will forgive my vapid insolence, as it has been well over 12 hours since your first email was sent. I can certainly understand why you would send me another message. You were probably worried about my health, knowing, as you surely do, of my dire condition.

As you may remember from our rendezvous the other night, I am not well. The bruise surrounding the warty area on my penis has started to emit a strange brownish-orange discharge. Most likely it is bloody pus from the infection, although I fear I cannot satisfactorily explain the color. Since you were the last person with whom I had a romantic liaison, I must earnestly beg for you to seek attention from your local medical facilities. You don’t want to wind up with what I’ve got, Ian. It hurts like hell.

And that’s nothing compared to the fissures I’ve been developing on my anus. I had my nurse check them out, and he couldn’t find how deeply they went, since he couldn’t fit his arm in any further. If it’s as serious as I suspect it is, you’ll want to check yours out as well, for sure. You’ll want to do it fast, too, since it seems to be getting worse almost by the hour. Hell, if you have to, just tear off your trousers, run out into the street and ask the first passer-by you see to put his or her hand in there and feel around. Bring a flashlight too. It might help to spot the maggots, although you might not even need it. I can feel mine squirming around in there just fine without one. In fact, I shouldn’t think you would even have need of checking at all, if your excrement is like soured milk, in sight, smell, and texture, as mine is. If that’s the case, get yourself a doctor pronto, and probably a lawyer too. The smell of doom is that of sour milk. Indeed.

But, on to business. It is obvious to me that, aside from your warm and loving affection, you sincerely trust me a great deal, which I appreciate most sweetly; and of course I trust you like I trust my own brother (although, between you and me, he can be a real asshole sometimes – and I am starting to suspect that he may be a faggot, besides… he’ll be walking with a limp for a month after I show him what he gets for that). However, I will need a few details from you before we begin this mutually-lucrative transaction. Since this is surely destined to be a completely legitimate transaction, after all, I trust you won’t mind providing these little details one bit. I’ll make it worth you while, believe me. Believe me. Oh, believe me, Ian. Believe me!

If you would so please, my old friend, send me the following details. Once I receive the proper data from you, I will begin the process of forwarding the information to my nurse, who will begin to distribute any and all information you have requested back to you and any partners you specify. I thank you for your patience with me during these troubling times. Hopefully we can get this process completely quickly, as I fear my time is not long for this world. I feel that I am fading fast, Ian!

Full name:
Aliases:
Government ID#:
Street Address:
Date of birth:
City of birth:
Mother’s full name:
Father’s full name:
Telephone number:
E-mail address:
Current IP address:
MAC address (this is important so I can send you whatever you need directly):
Credit card number:
Credit card issuing bank:
Bank account number:
Bank account routing number:

Again, thank you Ian, for offering me the opportunity to partake in the fortune with which you are currently involved. My best to you and your whore wife and worthless children.

Your loving compagnon-au-nuit,
Thaddeus “Tad” Ghostal

P.S., I am most serious about getting yourself looked at. I have been throwing up what looks like partially-liquefied pig’s liver for the past 12 hours now. It smells almost exactly like the rotten corpse of a severely inebriated rotgut wino – about four days in, I surmise. There’s even a sort of stringy, thread-like substance running all through it that causes me no end of duress throughout this ugly process. So please, for the love of all that is sweet and pure, see your doctor ASAP. It appears to be catching, as my daughter is starting to take ill with it as well. I couldn’t give two shits about her, but I don’t want to lose you, Ian.

Categories
uncategorized

Please reply immediately its very important..

Originally published at jeremyjarratt.com. You can comment here or there.

from Ian Davies

reply-to daviesian12

to transmothra

date Thu, Mar 3, 2011 at 11:17 AM

subject Please reply immediately its very important..

11:17 AM (18 hours ago)

I am Ian Davies ;an accredited vendor of Alliot Groups, a

subsidiary firm of Emirates International Holding (EIH); A private

equity funds holding company that focuses on hedge funds.

I have contacted you in the hope that you can be my associate to

assume the new

recipient of a Fixed-Income deposit, valued at 25MUSD

Once I file your details as the new recipient to the funds, the funds

will be approved through the AUTOMATED CLEARING HOUSE (ACH) – A

facility used by financial institutions to distribute electronic debit

and

credit entries to bank accounts and settle such entries. Under the

automated clearing house system.

Once your details is approved as the new recipient; a Credit advice

will be issued in your favor and the funds will clear in your account

within three banking days. I am willing to give you 40% which is 10MUSD

as your

commission out of the 25MUSD for your assistance in providing an

account

to

clear the funds. I am confident you will be honest enough to adhere to

our

agreed commissions in spite of the 25MUSD coming through your account.

I will need you to forward me your legal names address and phone to

file your details on the fund as the new recipient in this first Quarter

of the

financial fiscal year 2011

Looking forward to working with you.

Ian Davies

Accredited vendor

Alliot Groups PS

Awaiting your legal names,address and telephone number

from Ian Davies

sender-time Sent at 2:34 AM (GMT+02:00). Current time there: 12:43 PM. ?

reply-to daviesian12

to transmothra

date Fri, Mar 4, 2011 at 2:34 AM

subject Hope to hear from you its very important.

hide details 2:34 AM (3 hours ago)

I am Ian Davies ;an accredited vendor of Alliot Groups, a

subsidiary firm of Emirates International Holding (EIH); A private

equity funds holding company that focuses on hedge funds.

I have contacted you in the hope that you can be my associate to

assume the new

recipient of a Fixed-Income deposit, valued at 25MUSD

Once I file your details as the new recipient to the funds, the funds

will be approved through the AUTOMATED CLEARING HOUSE (ACH) – A

facility used by financial institutions to distribute electronic debit

and

credit entries to bank accounts and settle such entries. Under the

automated clearing house system.

Once your details is approved as the new recipient; a Credit advice

will be issued in your favor and the funds will clear in your account

within three banking days. I am willing to give you 40% which is 10MUSD

as your

commission out of the 25MUSD for your assistance in providing an

account

to

clear the funds. I am confident you will be honest enough to adhere to

our

agreed commissions in spite of the 25MUSD coming through your account.

I will need you to forward me your legal names address and phone to

file your details on the fund as the new recipient in this first Quarter

of the

financial fiscal year 2011

Looking forward to working with you.

Ian Davies

Accredited vendor

Alliot Groups PS

Awaiting your legal names,address and telephone number

from transmothra

sender-time Sent at 4:47 AM (GMT-05:00). Current time there: 5:44 AM. ?

reply-to fuckyouiandavies

to daviesian12

date Fri, Mar 4, 2011 at 4:47 AM

subject Re: Hope to hear from you its very important.

mailed-by transmothra.com

hide details 4:47 AM (56 minutes ago)

My Dear Friend Ian,

I am so glad to hear from you! Twice in one night! I very much hope that you will forgive my vapid insolence, as it has been well over 12 hours since your first email was sent. I can certainly understand why you would send me another message. You were probably worried about my health, knowing, as you surely do, of my dire condition.

As you may remember from our rendezvous the other night, I am not well. The bruise surrounding the warty area on my penis has started to emit a strange brownish-orange discharge. Most likely it is bloody pus from the infection, although I fear I cannot satisfactorily explain the color. Since you were the last person with whom I had a romantic liaison, I must earnestly beg for you to seek attention from your local medical facilities. You don’t want to wind up with what I’ve got, Ian. It hurts like hell.

And that’s nothing compared to the fissures I’ve been developing on my anus. I had my nurse check them out, and he couldn’t find how deeply they went, since he couldn’t fit his arm in any further. If it’s as serious as I suspect it is, you’ll want to check yours out as well, for sure. You’ll want to do it fast, too, since it seems to be getting worse almost by the hour. Hell, if you have to, just tear off your trousers, run out into the street and ask the first passer-by you see to put his or her hand in there and feel around. Bring a flashlight too. It might help to spot the maggots, although you might not even need it. I can feel mine squirming around in there just fine without one. In fact, I shouldn’t think you would even have need of checking at all, if your excrement is like soured milk, in sight, smell, and texture, as mine is. If that’s the case, get yourself a doctor pronto, and probably a lawyer too. The smell of doom is that of sour milk. Indeed.

But, on to business. It is obvious to me that, aside from your warm and loving affection, you sincerely trust me a great deal, which I appreciate most sweetly; and of course I trust you like I trust my own brother (although, between you and me, he can be a real asshole sometimes – and I am starting to suspect that he may be a faggot, besides… he’ll be walking with a limp for a month after I show him what he gets for that). However, I will need a few details from you before we begin this mutually-lucrative transaction. Since this is surely destined to be a completely legitimate transaction, after all, I trust you won’t mind providing these little details one bit. I’ll make it worth you while, believe me. Believe me. Oh, believe me, Ian. Believe me!

If you would so please, my old friend, send me the following details. Once I receive the proper data from you, I will begin the process of forwarding the information to my nurse, who will begin to distribute any and all information you have requested back to you and any partners you specify. I thank you for your patience with me during these troubling times. Hopefully we can get this process completely quickly, as I fear my time is not long for this world. I feel that I am fading fast, Ian!

Full name:

Aliases:

Government ID#:

Street Address:

Date of birth:

City of birth:

Mother’s full name:

Father’s full name:

Telephone number:

E-mail address:

Current IP address:

MAC address (this is important so I can send you whatever you need directly):

Credit card number:

Credit card issuing bank:

Bank account number:

Bank account routing number:

Again, thank you Ian, for offering me the opportunity to partake in the fortune with which you are currently involved. My best to you and your whore wife and worthless children.

Your loving compagnon-au-nuit,

Thaddeus “Tad” Ghostal

P.S., I am most serious about getting yourself looked at. I have been throwing up what looks like partially-liquefied pig’s liver for the past 12 hours now. It smells almost exactly like the rotten corpse of a severely inebriated rotgut wino – about four days in, I surmise. There’s even a sort of stringy, thread-like substance running all through it that causes me no end of duress throughout this ugly process. So please, for the love of all that is sweet and pure, see your doctor ASAP. It appears to be catching, as my daughter is starting to take ill with it as well. I couldn’t give two shits about her, but I don’t want to lose you, Ian.

Categories
current events

Sarah Palin is still an idiot

Even on FOXNews, they’re bashing that poor moron. She doesn’t even understand the concept of Africa being a continent and not a country? Wow. That’s really something.

Categories
uncategorized

Sarah Palin is still an idiot

Originally published at jeremyjarratt.com. You can comment here or there.

Even on FOXNews, they’re bashing that poor moron. She doesn’t even understand the concept of Africa being a continent and not a country? Wow. That’s really something.

Categories
current events internets life Speck work

Not no news

  • Just got back from the Emergeny Veterinary Clinic in Moraine. I had hit Speck full-force in the eye with his latest favorite toy, a Kong tennis-ball dumbbell. He likes daddy to throw it and bounce it off the wall at the top of the stairs so it goes bouncing all the way downstairs. So i threw it hard, but he’d gotten a head start and i popped him right in the eye. No permanent damage, just blunt trauma to the eye – mainly just discomfort. He seems fine now, but we’re out $164 – which digs into our rent, unfortunately. I feel like such an asshole right now.
  • I’ve just started playing Anarchy Online. It’s pretty cool, and you can play the non-expanded version for free. I’m a froobie.
  • I’ve STILL got that damn cough. It’s just not going away. It’s a little better now, though. And when i take my antibiotics, which i’ve been on for a couple of weeks now, i get nauseated and sleepy. I hate this.
  • And i’ve been depressed as hell lately about my life. I’m trying so hard, but i’m going nowhere. I’ve applied at so many places in the last few months that it’s not even funny. I rarely ever seem to get any response. I’ve had a single interview in the last couple of months. It went well, but it looks as if that employer is going to be extending an offer to an earlier candidate.
  • My voter registration has FINALLY been processed. I’m all set to help Obama get elected to the Presidency of the United States.

And, if you haven’t seen it already, check out the Sarah Palin prank call:

Categories
uncategorized

Not no news

Originally published at jeremyjarratt.com. You can comment here or there.

  • Just got back from the Emergeny Veterinary Clinic in Moraine. I had hit Speck full-force in the eye with his latest favorite toy, a Kong tennis-ball dumbbell. He likes daddy to throw it and bounce it off the wall at the top of the stairs so it goes bouncing all the way downstairs. So i threw it hard, but he’d gotten a head start and i popped him right in the eye. No permanent damage, just blunt trauma to the eye – mainly just discomfort. He seems fine now, but we’re out $164 – which digs into our rent, unfortunately. I feel like such an asshole right now.
  • I’ve just started playing Anarchy Online. It’s pretty cool, and you can play the non-expanded version for free. I’m a froobie.
  • I’ve STILL got that damn cough. It’s just not going away. It’s a little better now, though. And when i take my antibiotics, which i’ve been on for a couple of weeks now, i get nauseated and sleepy. I hate this.
  • And i’ve been depressed as hell lately about my life. I’m trying so hard, but i’m going nowhere. I’ve applied at so many places in the last few months that it’s not even funny. I rarely ever seem to get any response. I’ve had a single interview in the last couple of months. It went well, but it looks as if that employer is going to be extending an offer to an earlier candidate.
  • My voter registration has FINALLY been processed. I’m all set to help Obama get elected to the Presidency of the United States.

And, if you haven’t seen it already, check out the Sarah Palin prank call:

Categories
internets

Trunk Monkey video

Funniest ads i think i’ve seen in a long, long time. I hope they’re actual ads from a real car dealership. (Not enough energy to check right now.) My favorite is the car thief one. Brilliant and hilarious!

The Trunk Monkey

Categories
uncategorized

Trunk Monkey video

Originally published at jeremyjarratt.com. You can comment here or there.

Funniest ads i think i’ve seen in a long, long time. I hope they’re actual ads from a real car dealership. (Not enough energy to check right now.) My favorite is the car thief one. Brilliant and hilarious!

The Trunk Monkey

Categories
current events internets

More Jon Stewart on McCain

Because there’s nothing like laughing your ass off while your blood is boiling…



Categories
uncategorized

More Jon Stewart on McCain

Originally published at jeremyjarratt.com. You can comment here or there.

Because there’s nothing like laughing your ass off while your blood is boiling…

Categories
current events uncategorized

The Daily Show on Republican hypocrisy

Categories
uncategorized

The Daily Show on Republican hypocrisy

Originally published at jeremyjarratt.com. You can comment here or there.

Categories
life uncategorized

When i am dead

When i am dead, i wish to be burned to a crisp, and have my dirty ashes scattered by close friends wherever they please.

It is my wish that whatever organs are desperately, vitally needed by someone else in their direst hour be given to them, free of charge, with the condition that such license to use and/or modify shall be taken up by them also, and that no derivative works shall result in profit. After all, i am an open source, Creative Commons person.

My stuff shall be dispersed however my few close friends see fit, with the understanding that of course my dear love Holly should have pretty well everything to start with, shared mainly with anything my dad & uncle  might want (so you better ask them all real nice if you want my Cure CDs). However, Tony D. is not to have anything until he sobers the hell up. There’s no point in giving anything to a man who’s only going to exchange it for crappy booze or some other escapist bullshit. On the other hand, his wonderful daughter Abby is welcome to just about anything she chooses.

I want my unfinished work to be wrapped up somehow. I don’t care how, so long as i become extremely famous and fabulously wealthy after death. Just don’t screw it up like you do everything else. This is Important Shit.

A grave marker will be permitted if anyone wants to bury my ashes, as long as the epitaph is funny as hell. My suggestions:

  • “I probably shouldn’t have done that.”
  • “Whew! Good thing that’s over.”
  • “Oops!”
  • “Not here, and not there either.”
  • “Thankfully gone, decidedly forgotten.”

If you have something better, go for it.

No serious religion shall stake a claim on any part of my death, including but not limited to any services performed to mark my exit. No rites or stupid ceremonies are to be performed, with the lone exception being that my homies will be permitted to spill some on the curb for me. No spiritual messages are to be given, and no priest of any faith shall officiate. It is to be wholly remembered that i was a devout agnostic, who leaned heavily toward atheism. Anyone caught claiming that i somehow had a soul that lived on after death shall be haunted by my fictitious ghost forever, or until they come to the conclusion that i am not haunting them at all, whichever comes first. I lived through enough horse shit; i don’t need to deal with more of it once i am dead and gone forever. My passing should be viewed as permanent. There is to be no prayer of any kind, except in jest. Silent meditation is permitted, but please: no god shit, and no afterlife crap.

Two religions which are permitted practices and/or short rites are the Church of the SubGenius and the P.O.E.E. (disciples of Eris, goddess of confusion – i think), and they should mock the whole goddamn thing, if they even bother to show up. I also do not mind Buddhism all that much.

No flowers, please. Take your money and donate it to a non-religious charity that does work with AIDS patients or research, breast cancer (again, patients or research), homelessness, runaways, asthma, the environment, civil and/or human rights, putting an end to consumerism, humanitarian efforts, nuclear disarmament, or anything related to promoting atheism or agnosticism or the like.

On the other hand, any services performed to mark my escape from this terrible veil of lies should have a darkly humorous bent, and anyone eulogizing me must include at least one tasteless joke at my expense, or (more preferably) the expense of others. Weirdness should be encouraged at any cost. Attempts should be made at gallows humor. Thou shalt have joy, and laughter, damn it. Death is nothing serious. Be wholly glad i am gone!

Categories
uncategorized

When i am dead

Originally published at jeremyjarratt.com. You can comment here or there.

When i am dead, i wish to be burned to a crisp, and have my dirty ashes scattered by close friends wherever they please.

It is my wish that whatever organs are desperately, vitally needed by someone else in their direst hour be given to them, free of charge, with the condition that such license to use and/or modify shall be taken up by them also, and that no derivative works shall result in profit. After all, i am an open source, Creative Commons person.

My stuff shall be dispersed however my few close friends see fit, with the understanding that of course my dear love Holly should have pretty well everything to start with, shared mainly with anything my dad & uncle might want (so you better ask them all real nice if you want my Cure CDs). However, Tony D. is not to have anything until he sobers the hell up. There’s no point in giving anything to a man who’s only going to exchange it for crappy booze or some other escapist bullshit. On the other hand, his wonderful daughter Abby is welcome to just about anything she chooses.

I want my unfinished work to be wrapped up somehow. I don’t care how, so long as i become extremely famous and fabulously wealthy after death. Just don’t screw it up like you do everything else. This is Important Shit.

A grave marker will be permitted if anyone wants to bury my ashes, as long as the epitaph is funny as hell. My suggestions:

  • “I probably shouldn’t have done that.”
  • “Whew! Good thing that’s over.”
  • “Oops!”
  • “Not here, and not there either.”
  • “Thankfully gone, decidedly forgotten.”

If you have something better, go for it.

No serious religion shall stake a claim on any part of my death, including but not limited to any services performed to mark my exit. No rites or stupid ceremonies are to be performed, with the lone exception being that my homies will be permitted to spill some on the curb for me. No spiritual messages are to be given, and no priest of any faith shall officiate. It is to be wholly remembered that i was a devout agnostic, who leaned heavily toward atheism. Anyone caught claiming that i somehow had a soul that lived on after death shall be haunted by my fictitious ghost forever, or until they come to the conclusion that i am not haunting them at all, whichever comes first. I lived through enough horse shit; i don’t need to deal with more of it once i am dead and gone forever. My passing should be viewed as permanent. There is to be no prayer of any kind, except in jest. Silent meditation is permitted, but please: no god shit, and no afterlife crap.

Two religions which are permitted practices and/or short rites are the Church of the SubGenius and the P.O.E.E. (disciples of Eris, goddess of confusion – i think), and they should mock the whole goddamn thing, if they even bother to show up. I also do not mind Buddhism all that much.

No flowers, please. Take your money and donate it to a non-religious charity that does work with AIDS patients or research, breast cancer (again, patients or research), homelessness, runaways, asthma, the environment, civil and/or human rights, putting an end to consumerism, humanitarian efforts, nuclear disarmament, or anything related to promoting atheism or agnosticism or the like.

On the other hand, any services performed to mark my escape from this terrible veil of lies should have a darkly humorous bent, and anyone eulogizing me must include at least one tasteless joke at my expense, or (more preferably) the expense of others. Weirdness should be encouraged at any cost. Attempts should be made at gallows humor. Thou shalt have joy, and laughter, damn it. Death is nothing serious. Be wholly glad i am gone!

Categories
current events internets uncategorized

X-Day X: a no-show for Xists (again)

Well, that’s weird, “Bob”… Something weird didn’t happen yesterday….

Categories
internets uncategorized

¡¡noʎ dı1ɟ

.pı1 ɹnoʎ dı1ɟ 11ıʍ ʇɐɥʇ ǝbɐd ssɐ-1ooɔ ɐ s,ǝɹǝɥ

Categories
friends internets local uncategorized

Body by Xmas

My friend Mike, who’s a fantastic drummer and gifted in so many ways it’s not even funny, filmed this hilarious video. Check it out:

[youtube]fQzVYVe3JYY[/youtube]
Categories
life work

Aren’t morons cute?

Sometimes I look at all the wonderful and good things that mere people have done throughout the vast, untold millennia of history, and I feel such an upwelling of pride for my fellow human beings, and the accomplishments of this incredible civilization that we have created, that I believe I just might explode.

And sometimes I just want to stab my fucking eyes out. O, how cruelly naive I can be!

Also at work today, i received an e-mail that gave me an idea for a new micro-podcast (which i’ve christened a nanocast; get it?), and the following, unrelated, e-mail (spacing, spelling, and complete and total obliteration of conventional rules of syntax and grammar intentionally left intact for humiliation):

Two thing return .  29.99  and   14.99   just one return no . Just two  things back to you .  Still owe me  14.99   that is correct and miss one   don’t say 14.99   I bet that you forget put on it .    Thanks  !

[sic]

(Translation: I also returned another item which I noticed you do not have listed on the return confirmation e-mail which I have received but failed to include for your reference. Can you provide further information on this issue? Is it possible that it could have somehow been lost?)

Q: What was the customer’s name?

pick one name from each column:
first name last name
Tonto Nahasapeemapetilon
Tumak Rogers
Sharon , The Ape Man
Ayla Bartokomous
Tuong Souphanousinphone

A: If you guessed “Sharon Rogers,” you’d be sadly correct. Not only that, but she was from Arizona.

Bonus: If you can guess to whom those other names belong, you are not only smarter than “Sharon Rogers,” you are indeed worthy of being enshrined as a Thinking Person.

 

NOTE: names and places have been changed to protect the imbecile’s privacy.

Categories
current events internets uncategorized

Suspicious Looking Device

Suspicious Looking Device“The only function of the Suspicious Looking Device is to appear as suspicious as possible, whether carried in hand or placed indiscrimately in public places.

“The SLD contains LEDs, a LED array, a character display, an optical distance sensor, capacitive touch sensor, buzzer, and motors.”

Categories
creative friends

So You Wanna Be a Drummer… Really?

So You Wanna Be a Drummer… Really?
(A Cynical Glimpse into What Challenges Await All the Would-be Drummers in the World)

By my friend, the exceptionally gifted Michael Christmas.