Categories
current events life memories

R.I.P. Billy Preston

Billy Preston has left the studio at the tender age of 59.

A kinder, sweeter man i have never met. He had tons of heart. He saved the Beatles in their last year. Rock music wouldn’t have been so good without this wonderful man. Here’s just a partial list of credits. He also played with Earth Wind and Fire during the group’s heyday.

(1970) Let It Be — including “Get Back”
(1970) All Things Must Pass (George Harrison)
(1971) Sticky Fingers (Rolling Stones)
(1971) The Concert for Bangladesh (George Harrison And Friends)
(1971) There’s a Riot Goin’ On (Sly & the Family Stone)
(1972) Exile on Main Street (Rolling Stones)
(1973) Goats Head Soup (Rolling Stones)
(1974) It’s Only Rock’n Roll (Rolling Stones)
(1975) Blood on the Tracks (Bob Dylan)
(1975) “You Are So Beautiful” (Joe Cocker’s biggest hit)
(1976) Black and Blue (Rolling Stones)

Billy Preston and me

Categories
friends

This weekend. (R.I.P. Mark Hild)

The funeral for our old buddy Mark Hild was today. The viewing was yesterday. Attended both. Got no sleep. Saw Grandfather. He looks like he weighs all of 75lbs and is sweating like a pig in that inferno of a house. Extremely depressed over both situations.

Yesterday, Mark’s wonderful mother Alice remembered me (my god, the woman is superhuman after all!), and said that Mark had been on a breathing tube for a few years, and that he’d pretty much lost control of everything but his brain and mouth. She said that he was ready, that he was done with being sick. She looked remarkably at peace, and i am incredibly glad. What a sweet, yet strong, woman. Today i thanked her for being such a good mother for our friend.

Friday, i cried. Then, i was numb. Today, i’m crying again. Mark had a helluva Will. He Intended to keep on keepin’ on, until there was nothing left to keep. And he damn sure did just that. He did exactly that. Kid was a fighter, a tough MF.

Just a few short years ago, i honestly thought that he could beat that Muscular Dystrophy shit straight to hell. I really thought that he was Neo or something.

I noticed that the word “shame” was bandied about in regards to MD (unless i was hearing wrong, which may well be the case… i hope). I’ve never had it, so i have no right to any opinion on that, but i’ll give it anyway: Where is shame? Show me shame! All i see in people with MD is passion, sweetness, love, and some serious freakin’ people skills. I guess if i had it, i’d feel pretty self-conscious, and maybe even shame. But as a free-standing man who takes his health for granted, i can tell you that i have never once associated that foul word with Muscular Dystrophy, or any other disease. The very idea makes me think of those sick freaks who get all offended by the site of someone with a different physiology than their own. And to them [i say]? “Fuck you.” Seriously. “Fuck you.” Who cares what idiots like that think, who barely even deserve to walk freely at all?

I called out from work today again. I’ll go back tomorrow. Today is just a little… heavy for me.

These are just words, really. I’m just pouring them out of me with my tears. Sorry if i offend. I’m emotional. Go read Dale Huffman’s great story about Mark instead.

Categories
friends local memories

Mark Hild

An old friend of mine named Mark Hild grew up with Muscular Dystrophy. Word on the playground was that he probably wouldn’t live to graduate from high school. I knew him back when it barely took two hands to count my age.

On Tuesday, he went into cardiac arrest and suffered some really serious brain damage. His brain stem could no longer function enough to keep him alive. Last i heard, he was to be taken off his ventilator this afternoon. So, right now, he’s probably gone.

A fond memory of mine is of this goofy greeting we used to do for some reason. I can’t remember why or who started it, but when we were in grade school or junior high, we used to do this big, wide, window-washer wave. Like a “Hiya, Spanky” kind of thing. It was innocent, and pretty retarded, really.

“Hiya, Mark!”

“Hiya, Jeremy!”

…and later, when leaving, more ridiculous Little Rascals waving:

“So long, old pal!”

“So long, old buddy!”

Last time i saw him was in 2002, at an all-classes reunion out at our old high school. He had a breathing tube (a la Christopher Reeve) and was in his powered wheelchair, but was hardly looking like the years had touched him at all, and in fact looked for all the world like a hundred million god damn bucks. We exchanged pleasantries, and i felt sorry that we’d grown up and grown pretty far apart, but it was the greatest thrill to see him again. He was a good guy. A gentleman all the way through. I’ll never forget how happy i was to see him looking so relatively healthy. At that moment, i was thinking, ‘He’s made it this far – look at him! – he’s really going to beat all the odds and live to be an old man just like anyone else!’

I’ve never once said that i wasn’t naive. But he sure did beat a hell of a lot of odds. A hell of a lot of odds. He didn’t lose. Not really. He fucking won. He won better than any of the rest of us ever could have. And – except for a brief stint during high school when he maybe took advantage of his situation a little bit by being a little demanding of his friends, which honestly was really more comical than tragic – never did he ever display any self-pity. Not a hint. Not once; never. He pretty much acted like anybody else. You hardly ever even remembered that he was even in a wheelchair with a terminal disease and a grim overall prognosis. He just didn’t make you feel aware of it at all. He was one of us, through and through. A brother to the core.

And now he’s gone from our lives forever. But not from our memories.

I don’t believe in life after death. I don’t believe in heaven or hell. But i do believe that the collective memories of those who knew you keep your personality – if not your actual consciousness – as alive as a thing could ever really be. Our personalities, each of us, is made from bits and pieces of others’. We live on, in a way, through other people, even gradually filtering our way down generations and into the ages. Through love, we keep a part of our loved ones with us, in our conscious minds, and pass a little bit down to people who never even knew those who inhabit us.

I’ve found it increasingly hard to say goodbye to the living, and especially, to the dead. But it needs to happen, as it always does. Death is inevitable for us all.

Goodbye, Mark. Godspeed.

“So long, old pal!”

Categories
friends life memories

Memorial Day weekend

One of my favorite friends of all time is Melissa R. She and i go way back to around 1997-98, when we wore headsets at AT&T Wireless together. I really only knew her in proximity for several months, actually, because she ended up moving to the left coast relatively soon afterward. But we got along so very well. She’s the kindest, most gentle soul who has ever graced this planet. She’s also wicked funny, madly intelligent, and insanely charming. She’s been though a lot, and has the most wonderful beaming smile that just fills you up with such incredible, serene warmth. Truth be told, she’s one of my favorite iterations of the Bodhisattva. I’m very, very lucky to have had the opportunity to meet her in the short year and a half that i worked at that company.

I haven’t seen her for a long, long time. It’s been a couple of years since last we spoke, in fact. But thanks to her comment on one of my posts recently, we’re back in touch. What a great weekend for memories. I was thrilled to hear that her little buddyboy (2 1/2 years old!) is doing great and that she’s got a new beau and is going back to college. She deserves so much that is good, and so i am very pleased!

I was so sad when she moved away. Her wit and general personal splendor are like nothing else you can find anywhere – once you’ve met her, it’s impossible not to be moved in a big way. Her humanity is overwhelming – i could have easily lost my faith in people entirely if not for her. It’s great to know such a fabulous woman.

Speaking of fabulous women, Holly and i are coming up on our first year together in August. I thank “Bob” for giving me the SLACK necessary to cheat so well at the game of Life by merely knowing her. Like so many ancient heroes, she has been to hell and has returned more powerful than ever. She’s so funny and bold and intelligent and sexy and tough. A quicker, more delightfully sarcastic wit can not be found anywhere else in this galaxy. When we met, i knew she was important and special and she impressed the hell out of me right away. I was very lucky that “the cute black-haired girl in the elevator” (she looks a little like an [American] Indian Janeane Garofalo) started temping at the same job i was starting. We’re such soul mates it’s just pathetic.

It’s hard to believe that our first year anniversary is coming up. It flew right by. That’s a great sign, although i know that much of the flying is also due to the long hard hours of work that we both do. We get very little time outside of work. But i cherish every moment with this incredible girl (as much of an asshole as i am about having time to myself).

I am glad for the memories i have of all the special people in my life, most of whom are not mentioned here but are in my heart always and forever.

Categories
internets web design work

Portfolio updated

Finally! My online portfolio is nearly finished… The only thing left to do now is to acquire the main files from my most recent project and remove all proprietary informations.

I thought i’d NEVER get that shit done. That last one was a bitch to nail down – it turned out that it made much better sense to lose the damn b2evolution blog and just write in static content.

Categories
creative life web design work

busy

Looking for work; working on my resume and portfolio. Nothing new to report here just yet. Just gathering files together so i can rebuild legacy sites.

Categories
family life memories

Poltergeist!

Today i went over to see my grandfather. He seems confused, as usual, and asking him a question requires waiting around for at least a minute before he figures out how to say the answer, if he remembers what the question was at that time. So that’s nice and depressing.

But a really weird thing happened. We were sitting there, watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, when suddenly a little toy Douglas C-47 (a metal/plastic replica of the troop carrier my grandfather was in through all four Market Garden missions during WWII; about 3 inches long, something like this one) that was sitting on top of the television set came flying off and crashed onto the carpet about 5 feet away, right at my feet.

…As in, “WTF”!

I tested it to see how far it would bounce if it had just fallen off on its own due to the vibrations of the television. It landed directly in front of the television, bouncing a few inches at the most. That’s not five feet, i thought to myself.

My dad and Charlie (sp?), the caretaker for the night, said that this had happened before. She said that she herself hadn’t seen it happen, but was extraordinarily nonplussed. She told me that Jennifer, another caretaker, was sitting on the floor in front of the sofa (just about where i was when it happened tonight), when the exact same thing happened.

…As in, “WTF”!?

And then i remembered that my friend Tony once stayed over, not terribly long after my grandmother had died, and had stayed in her room. He reported the next day that he had seen someone in the room with him. I told him at the time that, in the darkness, and in his drunken state, it had probably only been his own reflection in a mirror. He vehemently denied any possibility of that. My friend Tony, who’s pretty skeptical about anything even remotely implausible…

So… now what? I’m a skeptic, goddammit! I do not believe in ghosts! How am i supposed to reconcile this event with reason? I mean, there simply MUST be a logical explanation for this, other than that my grandmother is haunting their house.

Categories
creative internets memories web design work

rebuilding legacy sites for a portfolio

I’m working on getting my legacy sites ready for an online portfolio to be presented here on this site.

The unfortunate thing about being a relatively-inexperienced web designer/developer is that most of your clients will be fairly small outfits and that much of your work will be necessarily pro-bono, or close to it. This means that many of them won’t be around for a very long time. In my case, none of them are. I think the Tecumseh Local Music Boosters may still maintain a site somewhere, though probably one with tildes in the URI that i’ll never be bothered to really track down, because it’s probably no longer my work being displayed there.

On to the point: this means that i have to re-build all of those old sites from the archives. Which, in turn, means trying to get code written a pretty long time ago (by www standards) to work. That’s not much of a problem, in most cases, because i at least had the foresight to include some useful future-compatible functions, the most underrated of which is the doctype declaration.

Regrettably, i don’t remember how some of the functions worked, and i don’t have much time to figure it all out.

The worst part, though, is that the one of the coolest sites, for a sadly defunct print magazine, won’t work locally, and i think it’s because i no longer have any idea what kind of a server environment it was written for.

So take this to heart, fellow amateurs: always, always, always include copious comments in your PHP, and archive a copy of the phpinfo() that you generated at the time (when you were literally losing sleep trying to iron out that one nagging bug). Mirror the damn thing live if you have to. This will save you in the long run, when the site goes belly up, and you have to prove to potential employers or clients that it existed outside of the sick, narcissistic fantasy world inside of your head. You won’t look like a blowhard when you can at least produce a working copy. Right now, i’d settle for just some screenshots of that magazine site.

Speaking of which, i can at least produce a static HTML version, using archive.org for the markup and my backup image files for the graphics. So all is not completely, irretrievably lost.

But i’d rather get those bugs ironed out. I just need a lot more time than i can actually come up with lately.

Categories
creative friends life memories

compliment

I got this in my MySpace inbox the other day. It made me feel terrific. The best compliment i think i’ve ever gotten.

my name is [DL] i am the younger brother of [SL]…now [SW], but i just wanted to say that you wrote a poem and i found a copy of it it started out “each life a letter under an indigo envelope”, anyways i just wanted to say that was one of the greatest poems i ever read in my life, and by the time [SL/SW] told me you wrote it you were already gone to florida i think. anyways, good talking to you i always wanted to tell you that. i actually used that poem for a class in college and we had to memorize a poem and resite it, i picked that one. i hope you are still writing and i hope life and your travels have treated you well.
[DL]

Shame, i don’t even remember the pome. (SL/SW is a girl i used to hang around a whole lot back in The Day, during the grunge explosion and my pizza-slangin’, pot-smokin’, free-wheelin’ heyday. DL is her younger brother. I always liked him, he was a real fun guy.)

Categories
CDs current events friends

video: Cocker Spaniel rocks out to ex-GBV Bob Pollard @ SXSW 2006

My LiveJournal friend Sean Padilla, of masterful freakpop one-man band The Cocker Spaniels, rocks out (in front) to former Guided By Voices frontman Robert Pollard‘s set at SXSW.

Sean seriously fucking rocks. Get The Cocker Spaniel’s latest CD you fools.

Categories
life work

head ache

Today i went home early for the first time in so long that i forgot how to even do it. Literally. My head hurts. It feels like it’s filling up with hard foam rubber or something. Every time i get a headache, it seems like the focus is always in the same place, just to the right and a little in front of the crown. I’m not sure if that’s common, but if it keeps up i’m going to go and tell on it.

O god how i wish someone could Paypal me some Orudis KT right now.

Categories
creative internets work

work rant/new directions ahead

From the desk of the Customer Service Adventures department:

I have to admit, i am of late feeling somewhat slighted at work. I just designed and built an entire intranet for my work, from scratch, all during a few hours here and there when i was “allowed” to do so. It’s comprehensive, it’s modern and standards-compliant, it looks clean and nice, with some tasty flourishes via CSS, and it took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to make it happen – all by myself. I even had to make do with MS Paint to do some little extra graphics, and the entire f-ing thing was hand-coded in Notepad.

Instead of getting recognized, i got a couple of “hey, that’s really nices” and a lot of flack – for, of all things, taking too much time. Mind you, i created something like 100 pages filled with useful technical and product information in Notepad. I was expected to do it with just a few hours here and there. All in all, i’d say i probably only put about 50-60 hours into the entire thing, from start to finish – and it actually looks really nice and functions exactly as it’s supposed to function. There’s probably something like 3 or 4 MB of hand-coded XHTML and CSS, with just a touch of JavaScript (just to correct an Internet Explorer CSS :hover issue).

I even offered to do it on my own time, out of loyalty to my company, and just because i could have gotten it done about 3 months ago if i had. Yes, it’s taken since late November/early December, because i could only work on it when we had less than 1000 e-mails in our queue, which was extremely rare during and after the holiday season (it’s an online retailer) (actually, we never did have less than 1k during that time – i had to wait until late January/early February to dig it all back up). It’s not really even done now – i really want to go back and update all the old information they already had that i fixed and converted to the new format for them.

I’ve also explained numerous times that if i could just do it in PHP, preferably using a database such as MySQL (both of which are free and secure), i could do it in far less time, as i could set up one template that could handle pretty much all functionality and markup, and just dynamically inject content into it via the links the users click to request information. But no. That would be too much hassle for the IT department to set up (nevermind that i could do the damn thing myself).

And now, instead of a note of thanks or a pat on the back, neither of which i’ve even hinted at requesting, natch, they’re sitting me down and patiently explaining that i need to work less on it, because of budget reasons. No, i’m not getting paid a cent extra – it’s just that i’m no longer working for Brand Y, who pays for it, but am taking Brand X’s time. They bully me and make me feel like somehow, all of the hard work and dedication i’ve put into my work notwithstanding, i’m lazy for doing all that i have done. (Naturally, i won’t be getting a copy of my hard work for my portfolio, even though there’s nothing even remotely top-secret on it.)

Bullshit, honestly.

So I am now officially keeping my eye open for other positions in the area. I need more challenge, and to feel like i’m making an honest difference. My girlfriend will be out of school in a year’s time, and then we can do anything we want to do. Most likely, the Dot Com sector will be more stable and robust by then anyway. I admit i lack schooling, but i lack little else, especially determination, perseverance, and dedication.

Categories
creative friends

coming up: At the Slaughter

The prodigious and prolific Jackie Corley has provided me with what looks to be one yummy manuscript.

The thrillride is called At the Slaughter and within a couple of years you’re going to have read it, too. This is going to be the book that changes people’s lives, like The Catcher in the Rye and On the Road once did (and continue to do so today). It’s going to break records and win every award there is on Earth.

It’s about a tragic kid named Foster O’Reilly. Remember that name. Foster is the most complex and compelling character i think i may have ever run into, in a book, or even in real life. She will grab you by the balls someday and not let go.
The first paragraph is amazing. So far, i’d bet my life that she’s nailed it, in her inimitable way.

Jackie Corley. Foster O’Reilly. Two names, one crushing heartfuck of a book. Remember.

Must go read it now. L8r sk8rz.

Categories
local music

live local music, again

Another fantastic night out at the Stockyard’s Inn. The Razor Ridge Band (currently Holly’s dad Tim, uncle Matt & best friend Sarah – Matt’s wife) played better and more confidently than last time. Sarah and Matt did amazing harmony. Tim sang better and stronger too, and played such a fine and harmonic dobro. My new hero Dennis Rotterman played in a three-piece and they sounded terrific. I actually had three whole entire beers. A great time and many laughs were had.

Categories
family internets

Karma Wright

I’m just posting this in the hopes that some day she’ll Google herself and find me. She’s my half-sister, who i’ve always wanted to meet, but never got the chance to, because during those precious few weeks where we were more or less in touch, i was a pathetic loser drunkard.

Thankfully, now i’m just a pathetic loser.

It occurred to me the other day that it’s been well over 6 or 7 months now since i’ve actually been drunk. I’ve had up to two beers at a time, about once every month or two. But it only gives me a headache now.

But i digress. If anyone stumbles upon this post and knows where Karma is, or can tell her i’m out here, then please be kind and share my info with her, or let me know how she’s doing at the least.

Thanks.

[UPDATE, 2012] Thanks to Facebook, my sis and i have been in touch! Hopefully someday one of us will be able to come visit the other.

Categories
current events local

KKK kidswear, pt III

My good friend (and Tecumseh Local Schools alumnus), the erudite, highly regarded, intelligent, and witty Kathy Espich (a.k.a. howdypumpkin) has this to say about the local “civil rights” case:

I called Jim Gay the day after I last posted here

The student that was harrassed is alleged to have been harrassed simply by being present while another student wore Klan attire. The student that wore the Klan attire was presenting a book report on a book that was anti-racism and pro-equality. The student did, in fact, don a Klan outfit at a point in a presentation and then removed it prior to ending the presentation. It was to be a demonstration of what certain people in the book looked like – what they wore. There was no active harrassment of anyone. At worst, the student giving the report made a bad call – thinking that it was just going to be a great way to boost their grade. At best, it would have been a non issue.

My question is, who is really the victim here? The student who viewed someone in Klan attire for a few moments? The student who worked hard on a report and went out of their way to give a complete presentation and is now, effectively, being harrassed for it? The mother who saw an opportunity to get at the admin/teachers she had some problem with? The teachers/admin people who will have to justify their actions in allowing a student to do something extra in a report that someone chose to interpret in a negative way? My children, who might now be further limited in their ability to express themselves in school? Or me – as a taxpayer – who is funding this exercise in futility? I’m kind of sick about the whole thing, really.

And, my biggest question is this: at what point would wearing a Klan uniform be quantified as harrassment? Surely, if someone’s in your yard and menacing you while wearing Klan attire, that’s a problem. But, if the child was harrassed simply by being in the presence of someone wearing the outfit in a historic presentation of such, then wouldn’t they be equally harrassed by visiting the Smithsonian or doing a google image search for same, or by viewing the movie “Fried Green Tomatoes“? Where is the line drawn in this case?

(linkage inserted editorially)

Kathy works as a local 911 dispatcher, and knows how grotesquely evil-hearted the media can be, having fielded numerous calls from bloodthirsty reporters looking for the latest deliciously morbid scoop.

If you ask me, and i’m not saying if you did or not, but i’d say Shanee Stevens is just out to make a fast buck. I don’t know the woman, so i can’t say what she’s like, and i’m no big fan of white people, but this case is starting to stink of greed, or at the very least, a gross misunderstanding of events.

Categories
current events local

Klanswear in school, part deux

Remember that Civil Rights case involving a local student at Olive Branch Middle School? New information is coming to light. It turns out that the offending party was indeed wearing a Klan outfit… briefly, as one part of a book report on an anti-racism/pro-equality book. The Klan getup was meant to demonstrate what some of the people in the book looked like. The kid may not have used the very finest judgment, but it sure seems now like it’s much ado about nothing. (A fuller report will come later, courtesy of a certain “Deep Throat”, who courageously went in where i dared not to uncover more details.)
Two questions spring to mind:

  1. Why the bother, then? Did something else happen? Or is there some other motive for pursuing this case?
  2. Why is the local media not reporting on this particular information?

We’ll have to wait and see what the answers to these questions may turn out to be….

Categories
creative friends internets

Happy Birthday Word Riot!

Word Riot, a monthly online literary magazine, is celebrating 4 years this month! If’n you read books, you’ll want to head on over to their publishing node and buy a couple, because they’ve got some of the best and brightest new talent around these days.

Now if ever their incredibly talented EIC herself would get her own Great Work done… that girl is like James Baldwin or something! Come on! But she does have an awful lot on her plate these days, career-wise and et cetera.

Anyway: Throw the goat (and dollars) at WR!

Categories
local music

live local music

I’ve been getting the music bug. This weekend i had the pleasure of seeing Holly’s dad Tim, uncle Matt, and, er… “aunt” Sarah play a pretty darn good quasi-bluegrass set (including a great cover of Neil Young’s “I Am A Child” – Matt & Sarah sing amazing harmony, and Tim is a tasty dobro player) at the Stockyard’s Inn on Springfield Street in Dayton (which, incidentally, used to be a brothel and still has red velvet wallpaper), but also a fantastic musician named Dennis Rotterman, who is an amazing player and songwriter. I hope to see him around lots more. If you haven’t seen him, you’ve been missing out; and if you have seen him, you probably wonder, like me, why he isn’t, like, famous or something.

In case you’re wondering, i’m not into bluegrass. It’s ok, i guess, but so much of the songs are either religious (yuck!) or sad-assed backward-staring gave-up boo-hoos. There are simply far too many better things to do than cry into a glass of beer in between pretending that you’re filled with something called “the holy spirit”.

my god, it is far too late to be up. i have to be at work in 8 hours! enough for now.

Categories
local

student wearing Klan attire not found to be harassing (local)

Klanswear ok at Tecumseh Local Schools?

i just sent this letter to District Superintendent Jim Gay:

Mr. Gay,

Hello, i was just reading about the Civil Rights case at Olive Branch and wanted to know more information. Specifically, i would like to know by what methods it was determined that “no harassment took place.” It is very interesting to me that a kid could claim that another kid was wearing a Klan getup on school property, yet nothing found to be deserving of further inquiry. If the other student was not wearing Klan regalia, then what, exactly, were they found to be wearing? And if they were indeed wearing Klanswear, what action was taken, if any, and why was this sort of attire permitted (or was it instead encouraged)?

I understand freedom of expression is a precious and invaluable thing in our society, but likewise is freedom from harassment. I think you’ll agree that wearing a swastika to a synagogue would constitute a similarly grave social blunder, if not also break harassment and/or anti-hate crime laws.

I thank you for your time, and will greatly appreciate your response.

Regards,

x jeremy jarratt, POEE
1990 Senior Class President, Tecumseh High School