Author: jae

read this and pass it on.

awwwwwwwwwww… she’s fast asleep… lil’ angel….

either i give a pretty good virtual massage, or i’m awfully boring… hee hee… either way, she deserves a good night’s rest after me keeping her up until dawn every single night… good night, sweepyhead… sweeeeeet dreeeeeams…… :)

i love being in love. i hate being far apart.

i know… i avoided it for a long time. not sure that now is the right time, but so be it. que sera, sera.

told her about my fucked up teeth today. i hope it’s not gonna be too much of a problem or anything. she’s too sweet sometimes and says such nice things, so it’s hard to tell if she’s just being awesome, or if she’s just being awesome and seriously meaning it in actuality (like she usually is, bless her).

for those that don’t know, i have fucked up teeth. it’s not all english and shit… but they are fairly crooked and i have an underbite, too. or whatever you call the opposite of an overbite. damn. an overbite would be nice. overbites rock, i always wanted one. i mean, even when i was little and my teeth were fairly normal. (my jaw just kinda didn’t stop growing for a little while after my skull did.) oh, and let’s not forget i have a space on each side of my top row, between the fat molars and the canine teeth or whatever is the one 2-3 teeth down from the middle. thank fuck at least it can’t be seen. but fuck i hate my jaw. i look like Jay Leno with a soul patch and a ponytail. yikes! at least my hair’s still bright brown. and i’m a lot hipper than that moron. hell, anyone is.

*giggles* i just said “but fuck”.

anyway, she seemed kinda sad after i told her that; said she had to think about some stuff. i hope it’s nothing. at least, i hope it’s nothing bad.

Carl Sagan, on the last image of Earth as seen by Voyager I on June 6th, 1990, as it turned its lonely eye homeward for one last look before it left our neighborhood forever…

(From Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space by Carl Sagan, Random House, 1994)

“… Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors, so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light.

Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.”

fucking quizzes…

My Favorite Female Part Is: The Face: Sweet and angelic… except when she yells at me… Find out your favorite female body part!

The B-Movie That Suits Me Is: Flesh Gordon: In the 70’s ‘big budget’ porns were all the rage. These hybrids combined b-movie sets and scripts with humpalicious action, while not hardcore like modern stuff. The ultimate was Flesh Gordon, now regarded as a comedy. Find out which b-movie suits you.

I Am The Sex Toy: Hi-Tech Masterpiece: Some say that I was developed in a top secret lab while others say I was developed by aliens for my probing capabilities, but only I know the truth! My mission here on earth is to launch a full out assault on your genitals with my spinning beads, vibrations, and clitoris teaser. My LCD screen keeps you informed, but only with information I want you to have! Mwua-ha-ha! Find out what sex toy you are.

whoa… i wanna join this guy’s bizarre mind-control UFO cult!!!

http://www.timecube.com/

the other day my grandfather went out and bought graves for me, my uncle Kent, and my dad.

i wonder if he knows something.

this is my main outlet, so i’m going to talk. so…

i met this really cool chick some time ago. it was a total fluke… we both had a lot of the same interests. we IM on and off. she’s a little on the young side, or else i’m a little on the old side. she lives in the next state (on the farthest border, no less). so we kept it pretty cool for a long time. in the last couple of months, we’ve started talking more and more. i’ve even called her twice now.

i don’t know what happened. but a lot of things came out in the open; things that were out previously but mainly kinda glossed-over. somehow i found myself falling in love with her. okay, it wasn’t hard: we have a zillion mutual interests and ideas and things that we are both passionate about, unlike the vast majority of my past failed relationships. and she’s the sweetest person you could ever talk to. and she’s got a face and body that just won’t stop. so, yes, i fell in love. deeply. i’m such a sucker.

but i have this problem. she’s got a boyfriend right now and they’ve been going out for months. it hasn’t been too hard for me to wait in the wings until she becomes available… i mean, i can wait. no problem there. but the other day she was basically trying to hook up with this person on IM, and it occurred to me: she is not into monogamy. (i know it’s a WILDLY unpopular idea these days, kids, but i don’t care. i need and i want to be my lover’s sole object of affection, just as i need and want my lover to be my sole object of affection. so there.)

so now i’m stuck. i’m totally head-over-heels for this wonderful girl, but i have to drop it. it’s not going to work for me if i have to take a number. i don’t want to compete with anybody else. i want to be and have a soul mate. i just don’t want to share… i know i’d get jealous at some point.

i already am.

the one thing that kills me the most is that i’ve come this far (i’m 30) and have finally found someone i could really honestly and truly love and who actually seems really interested in me. someone i could live and die for, someone to give my very soul to. but then this comes up and i’m just crushed.

this would be SO much easier if she wasn’t everything i could ever hope for. i was even considering a move to Chicago to be with her, pending how things went when i finally drove up to meet her face to face (a tentative goal i had for sometime when she’d be ready).

and now… now what?

received transmission: 3.53.29am
from: brother Wolf
personal extrapolation: the Illuminated Age Of Horus (IAO HORUS!) can finally begin. Suspect will proceed (if at all necessary) to the Secret Indoctrination Chambers of Kthulhu (S.I.C.K.) as soon as i can con him into getting there (note to self: purchase beers), to begin training as an Underground Agent of the P.T. movement.

for immediate consideration:
i shall pray to my deranged gods that the alleged mind-bomber has held a continuous sense of stick-it-to-itiveness for (against) The Man, since last we met in utmost secrecy on behalf of the Ministry of CounterMinistries (ok, it was just another night ten years ago at 1470West… nevertheless, it is of prime importance to make sure he’s still One Of Us Freaks).

Om Yeti!

[EOF]

if you can’t find one on Google, you can’t find one anywhere.

not feeling very healthy lately… this evening i was tired so i laid down on my bed and every time i started to doze off, it felt like my heart was stopping. it was pretty startling, to say the least. i’ve always had slight weird heart things like the occasional staggering palpitation, but this was just freaky. not feeling too well in other areas either. wish i had health insurance. eh.

taking some “dry time” to think about some things, or maybe to not think about some things. i may post here, i may not… but i need to retreat a little for a while, i think. nothing personal, just… something personal.

*sigh*

stupid webcam keeps crashing yahoo messenger. i have to reboot the ‘puter about once an hour, and restart YM about once every twenny minutes. bleh.

jesus freakin’ christ this is so god damn funny… i am currently typing this with one finger while holding my stomach and literally convulsing on the floor.

http://www.homestarrunner.com/

mmmgirls!

i love girls.

girls, i love you!!

thank you, good night! please drive safely!

note: the statements and/or claims addresses herein reflect only a general opinion and do not represent the full range of sincerity or appreciation as expressed.
also, neither do they allude to the fact that there is only one girl which maker of said statement is actually head-over-heels for.
please consult a licensed guru before continuing/discontinuing prolonged use. may cause sleep disorders, dyspepsia, deep funk and/or gout. not available in all states. prohibited where void. werd to yo motha.

i just got a spam with the following subject line:

transmothra,Increase your bust size in just weeks!!

…mulling it over….

Your Personal Day of Death is…

1,356,259,104

work on the new transmothra.com v3.0 prototype is coming along nicely… my dynamically-generated alpha transparency (using PNGs now, even in IE) is really starting to come together. i just can’t figure out why it’s slowing Nutscrape down to a halt or why the lowest DIV element is not using my CSS class in IE.

i’m going to end up having to redirect the url to my meat-thing server at hosttoday.net. i hope nobody has a problem with this, since i’ll be using a single frame to mask the url (meaning that bookmarking pages will SUCK and will only bookmark the root and not any individual pages). please let me know if you object strongly to this. i just don’t have access to PHP/MySQL at directNIC.

i’m really proud of what happened in this thread at HTMLForums. Kevin there is generally my arch-nemesis when it comes to political and social issues, although at least things are usually pretty civil and cordial (he’s a good guy, we just disagree on a lot of issues, and as some of you know, i can be a preachy, self-righteous lil’ Leftist sometimes) (something i’m not ashamed of in the slightest, btw).