Author: jae

george_ums is getting a shoutout today simply because i think she’s really fookin’ hep and some day she’s gonna fill all our lives with Very Memorable Things!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY mymetamorphose!!!

ooh… and looky looky looky who else is comin’ up on berfdaze!

17: tyrsalvia – Autumn in the Spring

17: nestingsoul – ooh-oo child

20: love_no_evil – saturnine_anodyne

21: divineseduction – Red Hot Girl

28: graspingbeauty – Caroline

28: seanp – Sean Padilla

next month: the Invasion of Syria.
this summer: the Invasion of Iran, and the Invasion of North Korea.
this fall: remaining (surviving?) (and, god forbid, sovereign) Arab nations rise up and declare war on the United States.
next winter: Pakistan, a not-so-reluctant member of the United Arab Coalition, divides up its nuclear arms between it and four other Arab nations, in a secret deal.
also next winter: Russia and France get in on things. also a player: Israel.

with several nuclear powers now at war, it’s only a matter of months before the Big One hits the fan (so to speak). by 2005, the war has spread across all of Asia, Europe, the Middle East (no surprise there), and two South American nations.

Africa, meanwhile, undergoes yet another 20 or so more tragic and bloody coups, while Eqypt and Libya are furiously engaged in helping every country on Earth blow up the United States, the United Kingdom, India, three miscellaneous European nations, Japan, S. Korea, and Brazil.

by 2006, most of the world is now bombing each other to hell.

by 2008, nearly a third of the global population has died of either direct nuclear attack, or the fallout that spreads afterwards.

by 2009, that number will be more than half.

by 2011, every remaining nation on Earth will have been involved directly. over 2/3 of the world’s industrialized nations have acquired nuclear capabilities, some with more success than others. nearly all were acquired in secret deals, some even with “enemy” states. there are now fully 9 sides to the war – known officially as WW3 since 2007 – and literally countless factions within those sides.

in the year 2012,

[silence.]

today was a good day all round.

i have never had so many chords and riffs in me since i left Florida! lots and lots of songs suddenly!

my good, good friend Melissa, who i adore, called me. i keep forgetting to call her on the weekends!

Melissa is this terrific girl i’ve known now for several years. she’s just about the sweetest, kindest, gentlest human being on the planet… don’t get me wrong, i’d lay money on her in just about any bar fight! but she is without a doubt a real-life Bodhisattva. every time i talk to her i feel happy and blissful and i know there’s someone out there who cares deeply and wonderfully and she loves me and i love her! (she’s just a friend, so shaddap!) …and she so loves the world and all its inhabitants that sometimes i get afraid for her, because some of us have a tendency to feel too much. but i know she’s gonna be okay and grow into a fine old woman and be happy, because she’s awfully strong. anyhow…

so she’s been going through some nasty shit with her baby’s daddy, and i wish i could help her in some way. she’s got a new roommate, though, and her pregnancy is going well (it’s a boy named Brandon!), so i am happy as can be for her :D it’s hard to think of anything more wonderful than having a friend in Melissa (and now a “nephew” in her too, hee hee!).

so yeah, there’s that… i can’t even stop smiling, and i got off the phone an hour and a half ago!

okay… what else? a_fallen_starr came out and said some things that needed to be said, and i am glad, no matter how things go from here. i am a paranoid, oversensitive bitch. but oh well. she needs to make herself happy, and so do i. what that means right now, i cannot say for sure. but i am confident that “Bob” will lead the way, and i will follow, unless i see that he’s about to get lost again, or lead us into yet another tar pit or something. come to think of it, i think i might actually rather have someone else show me the way. not Eris, though. she’s been hanging around here far too much lately.

the other day i somehow figured out how to make the homepage of tlmboosters.com work with my new nav system. i’m still spanking the code into submission, though. the whole thing started out normally, with URLs like domain.com/path/to/buried/page.html (i had the whole site layed out in subdirectories all neat and organised, for once). so i decided i’d rather see URLs like domain.com/load.php?page=photos. i got that working, and then i thought that i wanted it to be even simpler: domain.com/?page=photos. but the problem was that i had, for every single page, a header, a body, and a footer; all of which was to be inserted dynamically, using PHP arrays. but the splash page has a wholly different setup! so i couldn’t really do that exactly. i worked around it though (using if-else statements and a couple of != (not equal to)), and it works perfectly! i should win awards, just for making things work when i really have no clue what i’m even doing. (when i was something like ten years old, i simulated stereo sound on one of those old suitcase-phonograph players. it was really very primitive.)

jesus. i’ve had so many lapses in judgment lately, i should at least be able to get a job on the Supreme Court.

</rimshot>

got a CD full of 22 Mb of uncrunched photos to use to replace the creepy head-shots the Boss Man wanted taken down from his site.

he had tried to email them to me (again!), and wondered why it didn’t work. duh.

filed my taxes. i’m getting back more than i thought. thank fuck for competent e-filing services that are free. now if only i could figure out the ridiculous form my hometown slapped together…

took a walk in the bright sunshine. writing a new song. seems to work best with my shirt off and the window open. i was listening to a Cursive song and playing along, when i accidentally stumbled onto this kooky-ass chord that i really like. it goes (bottom to top) G-D-A-(B)-E. it has no name, so i’ll call it “Q mijor.” the closest i can come up with is a D6sus2/G. it’s a real clusterfuck, but it sounds a LOT prettier than it should: nice and open and ringy-ey. the vocal melody is a little Bono-ish though, but at least it’s subdued, so i can handle it. yesterday i ran through some old tunes i hadn’t played in a long while. i wish i had my red guitar working. i need to play rock & roll music. acoustic funk can only go so far. i’m getting a LOT better at “Maybe I’m Amazed” though, and even figured out the intro. that’s a nice transition.

i was this close to shutting down my whole site the other day. then i realized that most of my web portfolio is on there, and i still have some outstanding resumes. still, all i had was one little line of code, and it sure felt powerful to know what wielding that little tiny bit of data could do.

when i get my license back (the weekend after this coming one!!), i think i’m gonna go up and ask the dollar store girl out, if she’s still there. she seemed pretty groovy. i dunno though. i like being single. it’s the not-having-sex part i can’t stand. being loveless ain’t so fun either. meh!

today i just feel like nothing bothers me at all.

i don’t trust people. i can’t. every single one of them are going to screw me somehow.

i don’t think i ever really trusted that girl, either, as much as i hate to actually put it into words. so i guess it’s not so bad that she hates me.

…yeah it is.

got my shirt off and i’m writing another new song. this one’s got some chords in it that i made up. i really like the one chord. it goes (bottom to top) G-D-A-(B)-E (i have no idea what to call it, so i’m just calling it a D6sus2/G). it’s really nice and ringie and open. the vocal melody is a little Bonoey. wah. at least it’s subdued-Bonoey. the lyrics are coming along just as fast as the last song, but they’re maybe a little rhymey for my tastes. but they’re not bad or anything (i hope). i even managed to work in the word Thelemite. i can’t wait to get some of these things recorded onto a multitrack. i think they’re gonna be pretty damn good, even if nobody else gives a shit. it’s funny how i don’t have any naysayers, only because i don’t have any sayers at all.

in keeping with an earlier statement, this is a private post for now.

six long loveless years…
ask me why i don’t end it!
i’ll sing you my song.

always heartbroken.
a tortured artist’s dream life!
why do i complain?

any Ohioans know the tax on $3,875? i can’t find any fucking tax forms or tax tables (not even on the god damn internet!). i guess i’m also not filing local, since i can’t find the first thing out about that either. fuck it, they can keep my god damned money.

stupid fucking small towns.

< -- LOSER

i want to bisect you all.

sunday nights on 91.3 FM WYSO they play probably the best lovemaking music in the world.

hey, whaddya know! it’s April! that means it’s now officially been six years since the last time i got laid!

…wonder why it’s been so long? hrmm?

if anyone needs to reach me on the web, i can apparently be found here.

Neil Young- “Fuckin’ Up” (Ragged Glory, 1990)

Mindless drifter on the road
Carry such an easy load
It’s how you look, and how you feel
You must have a heart of steel.

Why do I keep fuckin’ up?

I can see you on a hill
Comatose but walking still
Curves beneath your flowing gown
Only I could bring you down.

Why do I keep fuckin’ up?

Dogs that lick and dogs that bite
Hounds that howl through the night
Broken leashes are all over the floor
Keys left hanging in a swinging door.

Why do I keep fuckin’ up?

Keep fuckin’ up!

btw, if i don’t reply to any comments re: big fat rant, it’s because i realised that i’d be taking the chance of inadvertently having the last word on the subject, which is not something i feel i’m exactly entitled to, all things considered.

it’s funny how some days i might spend wondering why people lose interest in me, while others i spend practically forcing them to. heh!

i just found a good deal on a good deal of SlimFast™, but i can’t drink up any of that sweet sweet nectar because it’s between meals >:(
so, i’m going to go and listen to some sweet soul music now. ciao bellas!

p.s., for anyone wondering how i did it:
500mg L-carnitine x2 daily,
Subway Club™ sandwiches,
Pepsi One™,
one-a-day vitamins,
SlimFast™,
eating less food but more often,
moderate to low amounts of excercise,
excercise of Will,
& steady doses of Rollins Band (no kidding).

Q: how many transmothren does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: one; it just stands there and waits for the whole world to revolve around it.

i am an insensitive creep! but i just hate how we’ve become so soft and squishy as a society that we have to tiptoe around one another. [case in point:] why is it taboo to make racial jokes, if you’re not a racist? racial jokes (done right, and as opposed to racist jokes) poke fun at stereotypes. yet we don’t trust the unwashed masses to be able to GET IT. hell, i don’t either, but at least the ones who don’t will be nicely obvious, and then we can round them up and shoot them! anyway, i’m all for people making fun of me because i’m a lumbering hairy knuckledragging porky white partly-queer guy, as long as it ain’t just downright mean.

my rant yesterday was initially going to be about making fun of the stupid, and was going to be a lot meaner, but there’s not as much of a societal taboo against making fun of the stupid. just like with big folks, stupid comes in two flavors: not-my-fault stupid, and I’d-rather-drink-than-read-a-book stupid.

people just need to be put in their place sometimes. ESPECIALLY the ones who don’t do a damn thing to help or to better themselves.

(and that’s another thing: i should have pointed out that large people who are trying are utterly exempted from my rant, because god damn it, they’re doing more to better the world than the others, and should be commended rather than put down. they are heroic, rather than fat-assed. that was a fatal error on my part. anyone who is actively bettering themselves is also, by default, actively bettering the world. and thassa fack, jack.)

anyway, feel free to make fun of me in the most humiliating way possible, because insensitive jerks need to be put in their place, too.

i’m working on my popularity here… and it’s not gonna be good.

some of you are going to hate me. some of you will read this rant about 11 times, each time stumbling over certain sentences which follow; each time your blood will boil harder. i may get myself defriended even.

but let’s talk anyway! here we go!

fat-asses should be made fun of more than they currently are.

yes, you read that right. go ahead and read it again to be sure, though, if you want.

ok, ready for this one?

fat-asses should be made fun of more than they currently are.

now, to clarify a few things about that statement:

there are TWO kinds of larger-than-average people. first, there’s the people who haven’t done a damned thing to gain a little girth here and there, they just are built that way, and no amount of work nor pain will alleviate them.

and then there’s the fat-asses. these are the folks who truly do bring it on themselves by being stupid about their diet & exertion routines. THAT’s who i’m talking about here.

last i checked, less than 2% of the larger-than-average population of the United States fall into the former category.

further clarification:

when i say “make fun of,” i’m referring to a particular sort of “making fun of.”

there’s TWO kinds of making fun. first, there’s the playground taunts. cross that shit right off the list right now, because that just ain’t even right. we left that sort of thing behind when we grew up, much more so when we evolved from knuckledrag mouthbreathicus to our current form. humiliating asides like “hey Fatty McPancake!” would fall under this category.

then there’s the less aggressive, lighthearted and well-meaning kind of poking fun. this style is harder to pull off, because you have to by all means avoid hurting people’s feelings too much (it’s always gonna hurt a little), be truly funny, and at the same time make it absolutely clear that you sincerely do love the person you’re making fun of.

the problem with fat-asses is that they’re really giving America a bloated face. people all over the world think of many things when they think of “Americans,” most of them not so good; and one of them is that we’re fat and gluttonous.

i can’t say i disagree! we spend all our time shopping… we shop for tasty treats and order giant super-sized meals laced with more fat than actually originally appeared on the animal it came from… then we shop for newer, bigger clothes that we can shoehorn ourselves into. when we walk down the street, we lumber with a decidedly “damn-right-I’m-fat-so-get-outta-my-damn-way” gait. we even die early sometimes, just for the carnal pleasures of sitting in front of an idiot box all day gorging ourselves on Pseudo Chicken McBurritos and greasy cheeseburgers. and let’s just assume that we all know what we all know about candy and sodie-pops and potato chips and that sort of purely useless junk food.

i used to be fatter than fuck myself (not gigantic or anything, but very obviously on the fatter side of “puffy”), but now i take better care of my body… i eat better, eat healthier, eat less but more often (shock!) and i even do a little exercising now and then (ok, not much). some of you might remember that i lost about 30 pounds in less than 90 days fairly recently. it can be done.

so if you see someone who’s an obvious fat-ass, and you know for a fact that they did it to themselves, go ahead and call them fat! tease, but don’t be overly mean or hurtful. just a casual but biting remark like “working on a new record?” is plenty. but ride their fat asses every time you see them eating something stupid, or spending way too much time sitting around on the computer or in front of the TV! make sure they don’t forget that it’s not too late, that they are NOT doomed! hell, you might be preventing a premature heart attack down the line, if you play your cards right.

i wish someone would have done as much for me! i can’t cure ugly, but i can certainly fix my fat ass!

special note: this rant was brought to you by my latest “matches” at a dating site that seems to have a lot of local people on it. here were ALL of my latest matches. i hope that’s not any kind of telling indicator of “fitness trends,” or population… ahem… density …or anything like that.

You are perfect and absolute, the sunflare haiku to
which all guitarists aspire. The elegant
simplicity of a haiku. The pure, uncloudy
translation from thought to form. Strike a G,
and feel and feel a sandstorm rise around you.
Move to a minor chord, and let the wind caress
you, tousling your unkempt hair. You are
playing your guitar, or you are playing the
world– the distinction is no longer important.
And if you are full of fear at the moment, do
not worry: when you learn to laugh again, the
world will laugh with you.

which clip from a Guns ‘N Roses video are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

good questions on this one.