transmothrajae lethe (he/she/they) is a blogger, musician, artist, poet, web developer/designer, armchair philosophizer, teller of tales, and gadabout. Also, something he calls a "behavioral artist." (Not sure.) She has plans. BIG plans.
Among the things that he has done for a laugh are minor fractures, cuts, scrapes, and various scabs. Though she's quick to point out that they're no imbecile, we're fairly certain that he thinks the word means some kind of medieval pharmacist.
This is her latest home on teh internets - where jae stores their swear words, when they're not hurling them at the sun in vain.
did i mention that she’s just three months old? she’s so adorable and sweet. she barked just a little today when i went out to go to Petsmart to get her a buncha toys and some stuff.
she also is nowhere NEAR housebroken of course.
hee hee, lookit those ears! they kill me. and they’re SOOOO expressive!
sonofabitchsonofabitchsonofabitchsonofabitchsonofabitch
my tax return was rejected. stupid goddamn e-file. no reason on the state one, and for federal, it says something stupid like the pin number that you chose to use is incorrect or some fucked up shit like that.
sonsabitches!!
luckily, however:
Your request to update didn’t complete successfully. We apologize for this inconvenience.
The attempt to update the return was unsuccessful. This could have been because of heavy user traffic on our servers. Please try again after a few minutes.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what do YOU think about this whole situation with a_fallen_starr??? i just don’t know what to do… i’m afraid my brain is telling me to bow out nicely; to respectfully decline… but my heart (& goddammit, yes, my dick) is tellin’ me otherwise.
i don’t even know if i mentioned everything or not… but my problem is that she’s obviously fuckin’ other people (she’s now locked away a post where she said she left her thong at this guy’s house… some guy she frequently makes out with, who has a steady GF (and it sounds like he has a GF as opposed to a gf)), or at the very least she’s making out with them a lot. and very likely trying to get with others (far as i can tell, this girl is just plain hot for sex, period). and trying to stave off more. and well… you know how i feel about that. i just can’t handle it. i despise restrictions, and especially imposing them on others… but, well… i AM mono, after all… and that’s because i desire a closer, more intimate connection, uninterrupted by others. and stuff. and i’m a little jealous… less than i thought, but more than trouble… if you can dig what i mean by that.
jesus. i actually wish that someone ELSE could just make this call FOR me. i know what i’m going to do though. i know exactly what i’m going to do. maybe i don’t even need any more advice, but maybe i think it’d be nice to hear it from someone like you… someone who’s actually been on the other end of my attentions.
i dunno.
i dunno!
p.s., my apologies if you don’t wanna hear about it or whatever….
p.s.,
i dove doggiess!
SQ: 38
somewhat surprising. i know i’m more organic with my thought processes, rather than rational.
EQ: 37
very surprising. i tend to be extremely empathic. i think this one is just plain wrong, in fact. i think it was thrown off by the fact that i am so all-consumingly self-centered. or something.
ganked from tyrsalvia.
she’s part bird-dog, part Lab.
and totally adorable! :D
EDIT:
…and she likes making us presents! >:(
so my dad brought over the most beautiful little doggie in the Universe. she’s part healer or something (?) and part lab. she’s real beautiful and black and every other paw has got long white socks, or short little socks. and the tip of her tail is white, like Sylvester the cat. her ears are perfectly pointy. she’s so sweet and quiet, but friendly and polite. she’s just adorable. her coat is sooooo shiny, too. she’s a little on the bitey side. must remember to get her rabies shots.
and toys. lots and lots of toys.
oh, lookeh the doggie! dog dog dog dog dog! good dog! what a goooood goooood doggie! gooddog! gooddog! goooooood dog.
this is just too close. anyone who hasn’t, please feel free to weigh in on what you think is a better move for me. be sure to read the preamble first.
yeah, in the end i will make my own decision of course… but i do want to hear some more opinions on this issue. there’s too much gravity involved for me not to listen to the wisdom of my peers.
GIANT thanks to those of you who’ve already filled out the poll.
oh, and on a related note:
she’s just started a new job that she says will make her unavailable for 60+ hours a week for the next four months. not sure how to feel about that. especially since she says she and her boss are, i guess, extremely flirty.
this is the sound of my soul starving.
side note: my grandfather’s back & hip are giving him a lot of pain lately.
let me sing you a song of despair…
today (yesterday now) was my sister’s birthday, and i am ashamed to say that not once did i even think of her until just now, when i remembered that my very first girlfriend’s birthday is the 20th.
i wonder where she is… what’s she’s doing… what’s going on in her life… i wonder if she ever remembers that i’m Out There, somewhere… or if she cares at all.
i haven’t had contact with my mother‘s side of the family in many years now. in fact, i only MET my mother when i was 18. and then, just a year after i’d moved to Jacksonville, FL (in the winter of ’94), she got out of jail and moved down there from smacktown, West Dayton. i spent a little time with her then, and… well, i now know what a monster really is. yes, kids, there ARE monsters in this world. to make a long story short, i bought her some rock (got ripped off, too) (it was her 80-some year-old Cassanova Sugardaddy’s greens), because she told me that up here in Dayton you have to have dirty blood to get into a clinic. i wanted her off that god damn junk bad, too. so i hooked her up with the crack. right after i gave it to her, i freaked. i mean i just flipped. i never screamed that loudly in my life. something about “get[ting] the FUCK out of my house.” i avoided her like the plague not long after that, and i haven’t seen nor heard from her in about 7-8 years now. her father just croaked, too, not too long ago. i don’t even remember the date. bastard lived just two miles south of here, and never had the nerve to call me once in his godforsaken life. i actually made an attempt to show up at his funeral. it was over before i could even get there. lucky me!
once, i called my sis (she lives or lived in North Little Rock, and for those who don’t know, that’s gangland up there) on the phone from our apartment in Ocean Oaks in Neptune Beach. i was a little tipsy. she’s 6 years younger than me, so i guess she would’ve only been about 18 or so. something like that. i was trying to be the big brother, all made of evil, but love for my lil’ sis. tryin’ to buddy her up to me i guess. i made a fool out of myself, was asking her if she liked to drink, what she liked drinking, yadda yadda. i worked in a liquor store, so i was real into that shit then. i like real fine brews, but don’t get me wrong, jack. i’m a malt liquor afficionado.
anyway… so for a couple of years, i’d send her letters every once in a while (i’m still talkin about my sister here… stay with me man, stay with me!), and on her birthdays i’d try to scrounge up something nice (cheap as shit, but nice for what i could afford at $5/hour).
i never once heard back from her. i think in all my life she’d called me once.
i don’t blame her.
so the last time i ever sent her a letter, it was all sad and i told her that i didn’t get the feeling like she really wanted me in her life. i mean, it’s not like we grew up together, and she’s black, i’m white, so maybe she didn’t feel any substantive connection to me at all (not just cuzza that, cuzza everything i mean you know). so i told her that if she wanted to have a big bro and build a relationship, then she could just go ahead and get ready, maybe she wasn’t ready for a dramatic change in her family tree, so just contact me when you’re ready, sis, i said.
and it’s been maybe 7, 8 years now.
i tried googling for her name. no dice, no dice. she’d no doubt be moved out by now, but i’ve often thought of just calling her father‘s family in NLR… but what am i going to say to them? “yeah, hi… this is jeremy, is Karma around or can you tell me how i can blah blah blah,” and they’d say, “Jeremy who?” and me again with the “i’m her fuckup older brother’s who’s just as good-for-nothing as her mother and her father,” and they’d say, “no, she’s not here anymore” and CLICK goes the phone and that’s the end of that. but what else can i do? i suppose i can wait. maybe she’s still not ready, or maybe she hasn’t yet forgiven me for being just another dying branch on her family tree. i’m pretty sure she understands that i just never knew about her until i was older.
all i ever wanted in life was a sister. that’s all i ever wanted! you can ask any of my stuffed animals, my Micronauts, my Evil Knievel, my Bionic Man, or the drivers in any one of my Hot Wheels cars. they all knew. all i ever wanted was just a sister to love. i’ve resented my parents for many things over the years, and rightfully so, but the first thing i ever resented was the fact that they dropped me off in this fucked up world without even giving me someone to hold onto in the darkness of my life and my childhood.
it’s not my fault, Karma! it’s not! sure, i’m a fuckup, but it’s not my fault!
and this night, it looks like, will be the first time i’ve cried in many months.
Kali nichta.
so i’ve known that the menu for tlmboosters.com is broken in Opera. now i’m going through and tearing down phpSniff so’s i can put an alternate menu in there for browsers/platforms that aren’t Win/IE or Win/Moz (if anyone is on a funky setup and would like to gimme feedback, i’d really appreciate it!).
this is an amazing sniffer. i like the one i’m using now on my own site, but it won’t detect spoofing (like when Opera pretends to be Mozilla). unfortunately, i only need it to do a few things, so i’m stripping it down to a bare-bones minimum. so far, it’s working really well. i just have to build a GIGOR tree of nested switch-case statements.
i want to experience tender love with a freaky woman.
god DAMN my back really HURTS!
got to figure out where all the 404s are coming from on my site.
goodnight, world.
super freaky happy birthdays goin’ out to
tyrsalvia (who UTTERLY rocks – the smartest, funniest subversive on the planet!)
nestingsoul (who is a sign that Humanity really is True after all)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
…and i hope that Joey, who is so smart and sweet and kind and talented (and sexy!), and is such a Beautiful Person, had a wonderful time yesterday too!
yippee! i uploaded the new, lean-n-mean version of the tlmb site! and it’s working absolutely perfectly! i rule. even the necessarily complicated photos sections work flawlessly.
bonus! i think i’m going to become an Adult Swim junkie. (i so rarely ever watch teevee, especially if it’s not PBS.)
i haven’t been keeping up with anime for a long time. in fact, it’s just too deep a pool to dive into, so i really only try and catch the coolest and the best and leave the rest for the really seriously hardcore addicts. Reign: the Conqueror is like a stoner intellectual’s wet dream (not that i’m an intellectual!). i could tell right away that Peter Chung, the cat behind one of the coolest ‘toons of all time (Aeon Flux), was behind this one too. score.
Todd Rundgren is on Letterman tonight. life is good!
so i’ve got this dilemma.
there’s this gurl that i dig. and she digs me back. we’ve been planning on hooking it up for real very soon. she lives about an hour and a half away from me.
and she’s got this contest with her friend to see how many guys they can make out with over the summer. she claims it was just a joke, but she’s obviously mistaking me for an idiot.
and just the other day, she made a post (which is now locked away) where she comes right out and says that she left her thong over at this guy’s place… some guy that she makes out with now and then. he’s got a girlfriend. so, y’know, that’s real nice.
and we’ve been doing this dance, where i’ll draw back a bit, and she’ll draw back a bit; then we both just get upset or offended. and now things are a bit up in the air i guess.
the thing is, i don’t know if i should trust her. (note: i am firmly monogamous… i tried being in a poly relationship once, and it went over like a lead balloon.)
i mean, i could give her the benefit of the doubt, and just assume that when and if we do actually hook up, she’ll chill on gettin’ it on with other people.
…and i could get seriously burned.
or, i could just throw in and walk away.
…and i could miss out on something good. not to mention, some obviously hot sex (yes i likes me some sex, so sue me).
so, i don’t know what to do! we haven’t even met yet! so i kinda feel like i should wait and see… and yet i feel like i’d be an idiot to even give it a real shot.
1) finally got the backend for tlmboosters.com FULLY converted to the new layout/navigation engine. i still have an assload of content-free pages, but that’s not my fault. i haven’t uploaded it yet. might do that later.
2) my dad is getting my grandfather a dog. from the pound! so shaddap about it, ‘coz it’s a surprise. let’s just hope and pray that he doesn’t bring home some sick, mangey 20 year old mean little bastard. that would be just like him.
3) got an email from Ria in Mali today. she got sworn in finally.
Well, wow. Where to start…
I’m officially a Peace Corps Volunteer!!!!!! No longer a Stagaire (trainee). The Swear In ceremony was on the 11th of April and was attended by the Peace Corps Mali Director, the American Ambassador to Mali, the Vice President of Mali, and the Russian Ambassador to Mali, among others. It was, of course, another swelteringly hot morning in good ole Mali-la. We were dressed to the 9s in our Malian garb as a gesture of welcoming cultural exchange. The ceremony was scheduled to last for 2 hours and we were wondering if we would make it through. A few volunteers had gotten together to prepare a musical number as an openner: a guitarist, a clarinetist, and a bongo player performed the theme song to Nintendo’s Mario Bros game much to the joy and amusement of all Americans in the audience. The Malians and Russians were confused and somewhat suspicious of our reaction to the music. The ceremony was distinguished by an openning speach – in French – by the Peace Corps Mali director, another speach – in Franglish – by the American Ambassador to Mali, and yet another speach – in Bambara – by the Vice President of Mali. We had a short musical interlude where a traditional Bambara song was performed by a clarinet-playing Volunteer and a bongo-playing Volunteer: the Malians were very happy with this interpretation. We, however, did not get their reaction to the music… ah, reciprocation. Next, the three sectors of which our stage (trainee group… stage is pronounced in a Frenchie way: stahj) represents – Water Sanitation (my sector), Natural Resource Management, and Agriculture – went before the assembly and performed skits illustrating some of the things volunteers face in service. Many issues were addressed and they managed to add a little comedy relief on faux pas that occur too. The last segment of the ceremony was our swear in oath. We stood in place, raised our right hands, and repeated the oath in front of the assembly. It was moving. Wish you were here. The cold coca-colas and brownies we had afterwards were sublime!!!!
They had given us a little money and we had some free time to nap or get lunch somewhere in Bamako, so Ellie (a fellow former-stagiare) and I took a taxi to a restaurant in the Tubab section of town. Tubab is what the Malians call out to the French – who they know are filthy rich tourists just itching to spend their money – when they want to get their attention and sell them wares. French are mostly white, so they’ll call us that too. It gets really, really, annoying after the gazillionth time, but once I start to greet them in Bambara and ask about the family, they change their whole attitude. Their jaws drop and they say “A be Bamanan kan fo?” It’s sooooo funny! We just laugh, say we’re learning, and say our good byes. They love that! Once they find out that you’re learning the language, their entire perspective changes: they respect you because they feel that you respect them enough to come to their place and speak their language. Greeting one another is a very, very, very important part of the culture here. If you don’t greet people with respect, nobody will like or respect you. The French only ever speak french, they only ever go to Tubab stores, they only ever take nice cars instead of bashees like everyone else, and they certainly don’t just sit around and have chats with the natives in their environment. Of course, I’m generalizing, and that’s wrong. That’s not true for all of the French, but for a large majority… it’s painfully true.
Annnnnnyyyyyywaaaaayyyy!…
So, Ellie and I had this free time to go eat lunch. So, we hopped a taxi to Tubab row to eat at a cafe called “The Relax”. They have ice cream!!!!!!!!!! They have pizza!!!!!!!!!! I was soooooo freaked out, I almost cried. Oh……my……god…..it was so tasty!! Ellie and I split a tuna pizza with black olives, cheese, and capers. Delicious! It was really cool to look at my plate and see a pizza instead of a fish head on rice with onion water. I didn’t even have to eat with my hand, I got to use a fork and knife (I prefer that with pizza normally anyway). After that, we had to hurry back to catch a ride to the Ambassador’s private residence (she’s a woman and all the other new volunteers were invited, so don’t get any ideas…it’s tradition). I’ve never been to an official’s private residence outside of country, but they’re hooked up!! She had a pool. I was submerged in water for the first time in over three months. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my two bucket baths per day. However, I enjoy sitting in a pool, drinking a beer that I didn’t pay for, and eating…. BAR-B-Q! You don’t understand. This may seem like nothing to you. But I was more excited about the food, the drinks, and being completely submerged in water than I have about anything…in a really long time! When you’re denied things, they mean soo much more once you get them back. I looked around and all I saw were smiling and clean faces. Normally, we’re just a little dusty, alot more busy, and a little testy. This day was different, though. We could only stay for a few hours, but it was really worth it. {{{ Side note: Don’t worry mom, I talked with the host as much as I could and thanked her politely for her hospitality}}} She had a really cool dog, too. The grounds were imaculate and actually had grass on the ground. It was so soft under my feet. I miss grass. She had a rose garden, bushes, palm trees, flowering trees, cacti, flowers, a geometric layout, and benches here and there in the shade. It was a beautiful garden (not nearly as nice as my mom’s, but it was bigger). Her house had all sorts of neat things in it, but I didn’t touch anything. It was almost like a museum. Although it did have a warm quality to it. There were, of course, many objets d’art that were Africa-esque, but I’m not completely sure that they were all Malian. That’s about all.
Later that night, there was a party back at the bureau and the Peace Corps staff had bought a ton of sodas and hired a Malian band to play music (they mostly played American/Jamaican/Arabic type popish music). The former stagiares had bought….. duh duh duh duh:
1224 beers (Castel, Flag, and Guinness—-oh, yes, my goodness, my guinness)
It was heavenly. We danced and drank and had a wonderful time. I had gotten over my bacterial infection just in time: no more antiobiotics holdin me back. Oh, don’t worry. The infection was only mildly discomforting…no big deal. Almost everybody had it in the same time frame. At one a.m., we all headed back to Zummanabugu (the gathering of huts that people stay in when they go to visit Toubani So – our training facility) as we had all moved out of our Samayan host familys’ concessions a few days before. We only stayed in Zummanabugu for a few nights as a transitory stop before leaving at various times to go to our regional stage houses in preparation for installation. It was good to have a little down time. Stage was always soooo busy and so demanding. It was nice to be at Toubani So and make up our own minds about what we wanted to do and when. My region teammates and I came into Bamako on Sunday. I spent the day in Bamako getting estimates from experienced volunteers on items that I would need to buy at market and made various lists and plans. The next day was protocol for the Koulikoro team. We went to the regional capital, Koulikoro, to meet the governor. He was nice. He’s a Keita, I was a Keita in Samaya. In my new village, I’ll be a Coulibaly so I had to introduce myself with my new name. Since we’re joking cousins, I told him that he eats beans when I said goodbye. He laughed and denied it, but I knew the truth (this joking cousins stuff is really fun sometimes). We visited the Gensdarmes (Malian version somewhat resembling the US National Guard). They asked, like Malian men always do, if the female volunteers were married or not. Then they asked if we would marry them. We said no. That happens alot.
Next, off to the bank to get our shopping money withdrawn. Banks in Mali suck. Really. It’s ridiculous. I mean, come on people. It should not be that difficult. Nevertheless, everything here operates by West African International Time…W.A.I.T.! I’m more used to it now than I was in the beginning. It was frustrating at first, but I’ve come a long way. But the BANK, my word, what’s wrong with those people? No offense to any of my wonderful friends at First Bank. I don’t think you have any branches in Mali.
Last, but not least, the last two days have been filled with mad market shopping to get everything for my site. I’m one of the lucky volunteers who gets to open up a new site…yay! That means that I have to buy all my stuff for it because there aren’t any COSing volunteers in the area to give me their stuff (COS = Close of Service (or leaving the country)). What’s worse is that the volunteers that are getting all of the stuff from the previous volunteers are getting the same amount of money to settle in! They get no more or less than I do, but they don’t have to get furniture, a stove, draperies, dishes, pots, pans….you get the idea. Well, that’s Peace Corps. I’ve spent more than I wanted to. It’s cutting into the funds that I would have rather saved to get a horse. Oh well. Maybe mister tax-man will have some extra dough for me.
Well, I’ve rambled on long enough. I think that all of this yada might give you an idea of what it’s like over here. It’s my hope that it’ll make up for the dry-spell of emails that is soon to come. I’m required to stay at site for three months. I’m not allowed to travel. I might be able to get into Bamako for mail, but I’m not allowed to stay. I’m supposed to be “immersing” during those three months by learning the language and integrating into the community. I’ll try to get some letters sent off before then, but I’m afraid that I’ll be dry in that area, too. Don’t think that I’ve forgotten you, OK? I’m just going to be cut off for a while, and broke. This starts Monday the 21st of April, so set your calendars. I’m allowed to travel after that’s over. My birthday will be just before the end of that period. I’ll be 27.
I still have a few days before I go, so I’ll try to get to the computer as often as possible. This is it folks! The time has come! Training is over and I’ve got to dive into the work. I’m excited and scared a little, but optimistic and happy. Thanks to everyone for supporting me and helping me along. I miss you all so much. If you want to call me at the Bamako stage house, the number is: international code: 011 (from the U.S. only), Mali country code: 223, Bamako stage house phone #: 221 15 39. To sum up, from the states, dial 011 223 221 15 39. Be careful, it’s expensive. We’re 5 or 6 hours later in the day than you, so take that into consideration on timing.
OK. Love, peace, and happiness to you all.
Ria
i miss Ria. i wish i was there, having adventures with her. we went to Europe together several years ago on a whim. she was my last actual girlfriend (we didn’t hook up over there; it wasn’t until we’d been back a couple months… long story). i don’t still have a thing for her or anything. just feelin’ the nostalgia.
4) found a 24 oz beer in one of my hiding spots. (i only hide ’em a-cause i don’t wanna stir any shit up, what with my da’ being a drunk and with me being a vaguely-recovered alcoholic.)
5) i forgot what this one was.
a big nanny-nanny boo-boo to alla y’all who hate this userpic, courtesy the fine folks at HTMLForums.