Author: jae

Lisa S.: call me, i’m unable (or too stupid) to reply via LJ SMS.
Would love to, but….
937-308-0359

Travis Jamison fucking rocks. Just so you know.
He’s the next Lawrence of Arabia.
Remember his name.

When in a slump,
REINVENT YOURSELF. It works. I’m in my 15th minor incarnation/6th major reinvention.

…and i’ve dismantled The Shrine. i still feel betrayed, but i’m past it now & truly am moving forward.

i am SO much happier now than i was 3-4 weeks ago. i’m happier & freer than i’ve been in a long time.

All i could ever ask for, in the end, is a really hilarious death.

The secret to programming great drum patterns is knowing the average number of limbs a real drummer has.

There are few things worse than a foul reverb generator. Few things.
GRAIN = PAIN.

Why are most talk show audiences almost always nearly exclusively female?

I just found out the Quest cigs i’ve been smoking the last 24 hours are NOT the nic-free ones. Grrr.

When i think of what coulda been, im bitter, angry. When i think of my future now, im far contenter. You do the math.

I’m sorry Lisa, but i do hate you, just as i love you. Im honestly so sorry; it kills me. But i do.

I hate when i lash out. It hurts to hurt those i love. I cant stop sabotaging myself. I need a nurse.

Thanks to all the terrific people who made me smile today w/ text messages. I am so lucky!

i just found my old high school friend Cori online today. yippee! i haven’t talked to her in AGES! Cori rocks. (this bodes well. today is going to be good, unlike the rest of ’em lately.)

i’m at the lie-bary, researching the elusive 8-track bounce technique for the Roland VS-880ex, and ways to stave off a stroke for people like me who suddenly out of nowhere get freakin’ high blood pressure.

man, am i ever broke lately. i think i have a leak somewhere. i’m down to $200, and i just got paid. granted, i had a lot of bills, but the two biggest are unpaid. this shit HURTS.

can i type “shit” on a public computer…?

been listening to a lot of Live, Afghan Whigs/Twilight Singers, Posies, Jellyfish/Grays, Guided By Voices, Toad the Wet Sprocket, etc.

wrote [most of] a new song. now you’ve got two, LL. one for hello, and one for goodbye. there will be more. this one’s about cramming all the stuff that your last boyfriend knew about you into the first couple of months of your new relationship. playing catch-up. so it’s fairly innocuous anyway.

still haven’t heard from her, and am pretty worried. i’m sure she’s ok. i just need to learn to let go. it will happen, piece by piece. i’ve been doing pretty good, for what i’ve been through, and how deeply it goes.

i’m off. text me, fer chrissakes.

Your life will not be confined by your struggle, as long as your struggle is confined by your courage.

It’s so beautiful….

Lisa’s phone is still out of the service area and it’s 15 minutes til her shift. I’m worried jesuses.

Data b/u, something wrong. Skipped GF w/o calling, need a me day. Feel off. Have hi BP. Sorry to those i hurt.

UPCOMING: for my birthday, somebody is taking me to see the Posies in either Columbus (10/5) or Cleveland (10/6).

ME: i’m getting better all the time, though today i was kind of sullen, having to sit around my grandfather’s house with Lisa there. i had to sit next to her at the table. even the car ride to Nuke City had me entering I-675 just a few car lengths ahead of her car. how crazy is that? i used to think we were fated to cross paths and to be together. not anymore, not by a long shot. the girl is a creep not for me. she can fuck everyone she likes, and more power to her; she’ll never ever replace what she lost forever in me. i may love her, and i may still care about her, but i will not be her emotional hostage. i have cut the cord and cauterized. and this might just be the quickest gettin’ over that sentimental me has ever done. i am finally out of love with her.

but i’m not out of love.

HISTORY: i do have lousy timing with girls, though. but it sure has worked out for them- Holly has got a great, great man, and Cassandra does too. i wouldn’t trade that for anything. i couldn’t top those cats. i’m very happy that i have such bad timing. and i’m absolutely content to just be a friend! i think i accidentally matured or something.

RECENT EVENT: the other day i saw SpaceShip One fly right in front of me, within a couple hundred yards. ahead of it? the Wright B Flyer. together. in Dayton, OH, the greatest city in the midwest, the birthplace of human powered flight. SpaceShip One and the Wright B Flyer, man. it was TRANSCENDENTAL.

FINANCES: i am broke as a broke-dick dog, and i gots BEELS to pay. i can’t do nuthin fo’ ya, man. Moffra Moff got problems of his own. i’m very close to losing my job, too. very, very, VERY close.

MUSIC: the song is going great, but i’m running out of memory left and right. and itching to work on about 3 others that have been on the back-burner for far too long. as soon as i finally get these old songs properly recorded the way i’ve always wanted to, it’ll finally be time to get to work on the new material, which is coming slowly but nicely. i’m actually very busy with recording lately. and i have one person to thank for that.

me.

QUITTING SMOKING: i broke and smoked the rest of my half-pack of real cigs over this past week. i need new patches. and i’m smoking Quest ni-free fags. but it’s not going terribly.

text me at 9373080359 (or via profile), or email at 9373080359 @ vtext dot com. or, hell, call sometime.