Author: jae

The only thing left that i truly Fear is that i may not have enough time left to do what i need to do. Gotta GOGOGO!

It took 33 years to realize They were right: i DID have potential. And i DID blow it. But i’m comin’ back HARD.

P.S., if you’re in on The Rumour, it’s not true. Back da fuck up and turn around and GO HOME. U know who…

Will be doing overdubs well into the night.

No guts, no glory…
NO PUNCH-INS.

Happy Birthday Col. Ralph Jarratt! (USAF, ret)
Gentleman and hero
friend to all
Aug 4, 1920

As long as i have hope, i am doomed.

Everytime i see her i want to just break down. I get weak & want to beg like a dog. I need something other.

I need a different environment. L. and i work the same hours same days same dept. Kill me pls k thx.

Day 15.
Depressed.
It is clear to me that for her, our relationship was almost pure misery.
Ouch.

I just saw the Wright B flyer escort White Knight/SpaceShip One out of Dayton. AWESOME.

Tony & i smoothed it out. I was just in no mood for sarcasm. My bad. He’s a good fella.

i feel so crappy 2day. __ would be so easy, but i just cant give up. I was born to struggle. I MUST suffer.

…& that was my next closest pal after L. Why am i so expendable?? From birth – death, i just nvr mattered….

Fuck dat. All ppl evr want is 2 criticize & put me down. All i did was say how cool SS1 is! Cynical bastard.

Cynical, overly critical, elitist drunkards can kiss my ass. (Wonder why i have so few friends?)

Fucking SpaceShip One. I missed seeing SpaceShip One land & park next to the Wright B flyer. Fuck.

fixed the text message link.

today is a sleep & weep day. i really don’t feel very good today. i think i’m dying. er, wish is a better word.

i saw something sad on TV last night and it reminded me of deathloss and i just wanted someone there to make it all better. i have no one.

i just want an uncomplicated girl who isn’t selfish and controlling but will let me do my thing when i need to. maybe i’m selfish myself. i want someone who’s not all clingy.

everybody’s a mess.

i’m at my grandfather’s and he’s out at WPAFB watching some miracle jet fly upside down or something.

Tony’s supposed to come over, and my friend Chris (Holly’s BF).

i listened to the vocal part sober, and it’s not good, people. it’s nowhere near as terrible as i used to be, but damn if i could only sing in pitch. hopefully it’s just my ear problem (i seem to have chronic recurring clogging, even though i use the Fluid). i do have some weird, unnatural harmonics going on inside the right side of my head.

Ten Silver Needles

Ten silver needles, ten lengths of thread
will mend us together over every path we tread
i never knew it, but you were my friend
will i see you dear before the End?

& i’d recommend that you stay here with me
but your poor heart’s not in it; i may be blind but i see
well i’d make amends if only i could
but i can’t, so please- be good.

well i knew you were leaving before you even told
see, the look on your face, well, it told me so
& i stole some of your paper, and wrote a little note
i hope you leave before you read it…

ten dreaming spacemen, all of them blue
dreaming & blue because they never knew you
fancy that! i’m dreaming too-
…how about you?

(i don’t remember the rest right now & i need to get going.)

You can txt me via my profile now. G’ahead, tell me how much you fuckin love me & can’t live w/o me. It’s fun & free!