(no subject)

fixed the text message link.

today is a sleep & weep day. i really don’t feel very good today. i think i’m dying. er, wish is a better word.

i saw something sad on TV last night and it reminded me of deathloss and i just wanted someone there to make it all better. i have no one.

i just want an uncomplicated girl who isn’t selfish and controlling but will let me do my thing when i need to. maybe i’m selfish myself. i want someone who’s not all clingy.

everybody’s a mess.

i’m at my grandfather’s and he’s out at WPAFB watching some miracle jet fly upside down or something.

Tony’s supposed to come over, and my friend Chris (Holly’s BF).

i listened to the vocal part sober, and it’s not good, people. it’s nowhere near as terrible as i used to be, but damn if i could only sing in pitch. hopefully it’s just my ear problem (i seem to have chronic recurring clogging, even though i use the Fluid). i do have some weird, unnatural harmonics going on inside the right side of my head.

Ten Silver Needles

Ten silver needles, ten lengths of thread
will mend us together over every path we tread
i never knew it, but you were my friend
will i see you dear before the End?

& i’d recommend that you stay here with me
but your poor heart’s not in it; i may be blind but i see
well i’d make amends if only i could
but i can’t, so please- be good.

well i knew you were leaving before you even told
see, the look on your face, well, it told me so
& i stole some of your paper, and wrote a little note
i hope you leave before you read it…

ten dreaming spacemen, all of them blue
dreaming & blue because they never knew you
fancy that! i’m dreaming too-
…how about you?

(i don’t remember the rest right now & i need to get going.)