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oh.my.god. i may have to just change my name now.

i just got an e-mail from an mp3.com spammer… the subject line was “Greetings from Transgodzilla & Transminya”!

fuck. what a ripoff. i hope that it was a spam sent ONLY TO ME and the subject line was just a play on my screenname, otherwise, i’d be nearly pissed. (but only nearly, since i blatantly stole the “mothra” portion of my moniker – duh!)

anyway, if it’s just a joke for me & me only, that’s perfectly ok by me. otherwise, it’s just really pathetic, since “Transgodzilla” doesn’t even sound good; not as good as “transmothra” does anyhow. that would be like calling yourself “Max Legroom” without it even being a parody of Max Headroom. (does anybody even remember Max Headroom?)

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(no subject)

just watched POV on PBS about Howard Armstrong (what an amazing character- a poet and a prophet). taping John & Yoko now.

received 3 books from Amazon: PHP and MySQL Web Development, a recent translation of the epic of Gilgamesh (i didn’t know: the accent is on the 2nd syllable), and TAZ: Temporary Autonomous Zone by Hakim Bey.

awaiting the Steve Jackson edition of the Principia Discordia, from Warehouse 23.

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more flicks

watched The Royal Tenenbaums this afternoon, then Monster’s Ball. what’s with all these heavy movies burdening my spirit lately? man, i sure can pick ’em.

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Oh no, not another Drew Barrymore vehicle…

but it’s the story of my life…

i rented Riding in Cars With Boys and watched it tonight. i have to admit, i kinda put it off for the last flick (after Ocean’s Eleven, The Impostor, and He Got Game. i figured it was gonna be another Drew vehicle, but at least a pretty good one. i was wrong. it was great, and she was really, really good in it (go Drew!).

but what i wasn’t expecting was the vast similarities between the lives of the author’s son and my own. in fact, it caught me off guard with such force that it knocked me over. about a third of the way through i found myself completely in a state of shock; just fifteen minutes ago i was out in the garage smoking and nearly in tears.

for the moment, let me just say that they were right on the money. the music; the heroin; the beer bottles; the pools; the clothes; the second-hand furniture; the paintthirsty wood; the heart-wrenchingly polite meeting fifteen years too late to do any sort of good… everything. so i will spare you the painful details and trivialities of my life for now and tell you what was different about my life from Jason Donofrio’s. (…so they spared me from having to write that book i’d always bragged i was gonna write… good, i always figured i’d be long gone before i ever actually got around to writing it.)

my father was the good one, not my mother. actually, he wasn’t good. he was the lesser of the Two Evils. if Beverly had drunk and gotten into fights and landed herself in jail about thirty more times and run around with a bunch of stupid biker fucks, they woulda been much more on target. also, my dad couldn’t do it. he had to let his parents to the job for him. (yes, this was the Good One. not real good, i know.)

i didn’t have an Amelia. in fact, i hope my parents’ friends never had kids, for their kids’ sakes; they were all just as fucked up as my parents were. and my grandfather was not a cop, but an Air Force Colonel. i didn’t get too many scenes with my actual parents at all, in fact. but the ones i did get…

shit, my whole life has been this elaborate attempt to replay my early childhood. an abstraction. a really weird and complicated retroextrapolation of what i would have enjoyed had i lived the life that at least Jason Donofrio had.

i know what you’re thinking. “waaah, woe is me!” and you’re right. i am very bitter, and i suspect i will always have that as a part of who i am. who wouldn’t? instead of getting one parent who was halfway decent, if not fully, i got none. or rather, i got two amazing grandparents. so yeah, life wasn’t all that bad. not all the time anyway.

but my experience has never been an altogether straight one. i’ve always been fucked in the head; always confused as to the who, where, why, how, and whens of love. i can’t trust people, not even close friends. i don’t know when people are lying to me (this has all too often been chalked up as naivete, and perhaps rightfully so, what with the same result set and everything). i have no idea what a normal life is, or what normal love is, or even what normal itself is (in my view, a mixed blessing at any rate).

funny thing is, is that i really have always wanted to relive it. but to get it right. and maybe getting it right would mean i would have been aborted. (i’m not soliciting for empathy here, just stating the facts.)

anyway, i saw a movie tonight. i never had any home movies of me or my life. so it was just a little weird to see one for the first time.

(NOTE: at this point i was going to ask that no one reply to this post, because i’d feel all bad about not being polite and responding back, because i have nothing more to say on the subject for the time being. but then i’d feel even weirder, so if you wanna reply, then by all means please do so. just please also know that i will absolutely, positively not be responding back, since i’m pretty much out of breath on the subject. in fact all replies are warmly welcome and will be read and appreciated; i’m just too emotionally exhausted to reply back.)

p.s., please forgive me for my rampant self-indulgence tonight.

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see??! SEE?!!??!


Visionary, revolutionary, vigilante – these descriptions all fit you well. You are thoroughly disgusted with society and humanity as a whole, and you have several rather diabolical plans to reshape it to fit your designs. You’re probably a loner, and most people think you’re crazy. That’s just because they don’t understand, though, and you’ll show them someday anyway. Heh heh heh. You are known to become very passionate about many causes, have torrid love affairs, and be seen as a either a demagogue or a hero to the proletariat masses.

Be cool! Take the What Do You Want Out Of Life? Quiz

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(no subject)

oh, and before i forget…

http://www.darpa.mil/iao

at first, when i saw this, i practically hyperventilated. i mean, how blatant can they be? i was convinced, absolutely convinced, that they are affiliated heavily with the Illuminati, and that the Illuminati may actually be real (the jury for me has always been out on this issue).

then i thought that perhaps they’re only trying to make us THINK they’re the Illuminati, but really not, to throw us off (which would still mean that they are in cahoots somehow). now, of course, i realise that what they’re ACTUALLY doing is trying to make us THINK that they are trying to make us think that they are or aren’t the Illuminati. so we’re back to Square One: DARPA may or may not be affiliated with the Illuminati.

but let’s face it: in roughly ten thousand years of human civilisation, every single technological advance ever recorded has been vastly and dramatically overshadowed in a single century (the 20th). which means that someone is talking to the lloigor, or is receiving transmissions from Sirius, or something peculiar like that.

if you don’t hear from me, or if i turn up missing, you’ll know that i was right.

the preceding, of course, is my insurance policy, since i’m sure that big spooky government agencies and big spooky eschaton-immanentizers probably google themselves from time to time. among other things.

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a weekend

wow, a long, good weekend (for once).

Saturday my ol’ chum Jason & his fiancee Krissy (who doth rock) came into town. we were supposed to meet at my friends Jessie & Mike’s place, but since i never get out, i got lost trying to find it, so i called and told ’em to go ahead and meet me at Peaches in Yellow Springs. had a few pitchers of good hoppie ale and much mad gasket-springing political argumentationalism; much good laughter. then we went back to Jessie & Mike’s place (Mike stayed in) and continued our riotous debates. Good Times.

today i hung out with my pals Fred & Lisa. had a few beers, they fed me some beautiful spicy pasta & we watched Kingpin on DVD. not as riotous, but me & Fred always have fun. man, we used to do some stupid shit back in the day. i hope neither one of us ever realizes our dreams of having a superfast car. it’s all fun and games until somebody slams face first into a telephone pole at 140mph while drag racing down the twistiest, hilliest backwoods country road in the region. and somehow, we’ve always managed to escape that fate. no, we don’t do crazy shit like that anymore. i’m jes’ sayin’, is all. gawd forbid either of us ever gets any REAL horsepower.

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(no subject)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY nancianna!!!

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(no subject)

finally saw Minority Report. i expected them to change the story a bit, but they changed everything but the most fundamental aspects of it. not a movie to take a book to and read along. having said that, i knew they’d have to flesh it out quite a bit, since it was only a short story. but damn! almost nothing was left! still, a great movie.

also, i finally got Chrono Cross (PSX). been playing the hell out of it. tonight i was on Fargo’s pirate ship, and i had just whupped Dead Head and gotten through most of the damn dialogue after returning to Kid, and the power surged. i knew i shoulda saved right after that damn boss.

i also found the Dharma Bums’ 2nd & 3rd/last CDs at Headquarter’s (a record store that needs a website if there ever was one, alas!)… also picked up the Lawn Jockey’s CD The Amazing Sounds of Shock Theatre (featuring Dr. Creep, fuck yeah!)

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fuck.this. like i need it in writing.

Mild congratulations, you are…
51%

dateable! You are neither more not less dateable than your peers–
welcome to the land of mediocrity, home of the masses! You have an
undeniable animal magnetism, but you’re just as likely to attract small
animals as you are to attract human beings. Nevertheless, the people you
flirt with generally find you funny and cute, or “fute.” You have good
hygiene, which is an imporant aspect of relationships involving two or
more people. Avoid seafood and walks in the woods.

FUN FACT…

people more dateable than you (95%)
people just as dateable as you (0%)
people less dateable than you (4%)

Based on the 57,553 submissions before you.

YOU take the god damned thing.

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(no subject)

had my first client meeting yesterday (for transmothra productions) …not very promising. but here‘s the site i worked up anyway. we’ll see.

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you will die tomorrow and the world may end!!!

the Church/Cult/Cynigogue of No Answers (read our FAQ)!

because, face it: NO ONE REALLY KNOWS!

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fucked.up.dream.

so i fell asleep tonight, and woke up with a very, very, VERY bizarre dream. i often have strange dreams involving a big, open sky. usually, that sky is filled with giant alien destroyers the size of moons, swarming fighter craft, and gargantuan ‘splosions. or sometimes just really weird, organic spacecraft/beings, like the giant glowing sperm-like thing that glided around the sky until picking me out on the ground and hovering back and forth in the air in my backyard at me like a leaf that was not altogether on its way down. they are always very vivid; surreal and yet all too realistic.

here’s how this one went:
it starts off with me in adult high school again. you know, you’re back in school as an adult, and all the students are either normal high-school age, or ranging in age up to approximately your own generation. i remember getting nearly lost and realizing that if i hadn’t realized where i was going and took a correct turn, i could have seen the ol’ black metal door of the bandroom. (i owe that poor thing an apology of sorts. or three.) …but i took a right instead of going straight and i ended up in this foreign area that was not really part of my school, a sort of docking area, where everybody going in and out are meeting and going about their routines and whatnot. i meet a girl there. she is younger than me: a tall, thick girl; reminded me of a girl i worked with briefly at that last job. tons of curly dark hair. i did not know her name, but she knew me. she gave me a hug and as usual, i played along until her name and relationship to me (hopefully) would pop back into my memory.

somewhere around this point i ended up outside. it was nearing twilight, in the early evening. there was a whole throng of us watching some gyrocopter or something making maneuvers in the sky. i remembered that my ol’ pal Bill D. had signed up to do that in some kind of exhibition, or else had been signed up for it. he approacheth. i ask him how his (flying) lessons are going. he laughs and says that he had one a couple of weeks ago, but hadn’t heard anything else about it since. he doesn’t seem worried about it, and is in fact ready to just give it his best shot regardless of training or even competence level. (now Bill is an incredibly competent person at just about everything there is in life, but i’m not sure he’s ever flown a gyrocopter before, and frankly, i’m a little uneasy about his future well-being. the exhibition is in a couple of days!)

so there’s this throng of students, and we’re outside, nearish to the aforementioned ‘docking port’. we’re looking at the sky, through some skinny little trees that line the walkway. scene shift. same crowd, more or less, Bill is there i think, but suddenly we’re standing on the porch of some neighbors across the street and a few houses down from where my grandparents raised me. (the neighbors themselves don’t seem to be home).

i’m still watching the sky. at this point, it is now slightly darker out. this whole evening has been pretty overcast, with huge fluffy clouds filling the entire sky from horizon to horizon.

i see something.

the others haven’t noticed yet.

i point to the sky, and with my best “pleaseohdeargoddon’tpanicnow” voice, i shout, “you guys, something’s happening! look at the sky!” while nudging the guy in front of me.

here’s what i saw:

at a spot about 35 degrees or so south, and maybe ten degrees left (east), there is what appears to be an explosion. clouds ripple in bright white against fluffy light grey, like sea foam. the rippling continues in rhythm, like a pulse. like bathtub water that’s suddenly been disturbed. the sky was disturbed, and violently so.

the ripples, in a matter of seconds, were growing in intensity, until they started sort of plunging inward. it looked like you were viewing that famous reel of slow-motion footage of milk being splashed by a drop. only, it was upside down, and inward, and the atmosphere was the milk. the more you watched, the more painful it was to see it happening. in fact sickening, like watching the death of an ex-lover.

in a few more seconds, the ripples would be huge, truly mammoth, tubelike plungings. the sky was literally opening up. beyond the clouds was black, black night. only this was still the evening, and the clouds themselves were still sufficiently lit by the sun. this could mean only one thing.

a real panic now.

for me, anyways. everyone else scampered off in the general direction of the event, damn near soundlessly.

the plungings continued, growing in intensity until it looked as if the bottom of the cylinder of nothingness was going to touch the surface. by this point i had surmised, correctly, that what i was seeing was a tube of space, penetrating the atmosphere in a decidedly erotic rhythm. you could somehow see the atmosphere as the sides of the cylinder, with the round end like a cloud in a reservoir tip. (it’s very little reassuring to know that the Universe is using a condom while it’s completely fucking you.)

the clouds had begun to give up on themselves. they couldn’t hold. fuck the clouds; it was the ATMOSPHERE that wasn’t going to sit there and take it! right before my eyes, i saw the atmosphere going out into space, slowly seeping at first with each successive THRUST and gently easing into a full-tilt rush. the hole that had opened up now grew at an unfathomably exponential rate; and in a few seconds, the hole in the sky had gone from being something you could easily cover up with your thumb and forget about, to something you couldn’t forget with your face half-buried in Dolly Parton’s cleavage.

WHOOSH! there goes the atmosphere… and in the span of a couple dozen uneasy seconds, all was inky black sky and crystal clear, non-twinkling stars.

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(no subject)



What Egyptian Deity are you? go to:the quiz!

Which Middle Earth race are you? go to:the quiz!

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(no subject)

transmothra just did something really really cool! see if you can guess what it is! (hint: new material(s) at www.meat-thing.com)

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(no subject)

you know how you get songs stuck in your head? last night was “Love Hurts” by Nazareth, and then the Stray Cats’ “Rock This Town”.

i couldn’t get to sleep last night for a similar reason. i couldn’t stop thinking about warm, soggy alphabet soup! how delicious… i was sooooo hungry for that. it literally filled my mind for hours… little letters sliding across my tongue. gawd, i wanted to spell out the entire text of Moby fucking Dick, and then slurp it down! MmmmmmMMMMMmmmmm….

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here they come….

In June in Rotherham, England, Gaak the robot, who is part of a research project into equipping robots to think for themselves, escaped from the lab while it was momentarily unattended and made it as far as the parking lot of the Magna science center before being stopped by a visitor’s car. It had forced its way out of a small pen used to house units scheduled for repair. Said Professor Noel Sharkey, “(The robots) have all learned a significant amount and are becoming more intelligent by the day.” [The Age (Melbourne), 6-20-02]

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how well do you know me?

http://www.stumpyourfriends.com/stump2.cgi?5302223662002

good luck guessing!

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well, they USED to call me Cliff Claven….

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/rec.mv

the highest name on the list (results) that i did not know anything about:
Cindy Margolis

the lowest name on the list that i did know stuff about:
Jimmy Iovine

total # of names i answered “yes” to: 83 (76.15% of 109 total)
total # of names i answered “no” to: 26 (23.85% of 109 total)
(Maria Montessori, Cindy Margolis, Richard D. James, Roberts Blossom, Kaiser Wilhelm, Moses Maimonides, Gheorghe Muresan, Christine Todd Witman, Juana la Loca, Jane Leeves, George Eastman, Ken Hakuta, John Matuszak, Anne Ramsey, Martin Yan, Wilhelm Eduard Weber, Carl Friedrich Gauss, Hermann Rorschach, Roger Karmanik, Mayim Bialik, Ray Kroc, David Sarnoff, Charles Merrill, Casimir Pulaski, Daniel Sickles, Thomas Szasz)

(although i just realised that i do know who Mayim Bialik is/was)

some names (e.g., Gauss, Rorschach) i know something about, but not enough that i feel qualified to answer “yes” to.

with some names, i know i’m having a brain fart over (e.g., Ann Ramsey, Ray Kroc).

i do not feel as knowledgeable as i would like to feel.

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entropy. ennnnn — troooooh — peeeee. say it. come on, say it. SAYITGODDAMNYOU!!!

i went and saw the aeroplane parade to-day in Nuke Our Lyle, Ohia. then i came back here and hung, then i went and hugh wif my ol’ pal Fred. i drinked. then i took twos beer wif’ me an’ i went to Smif Park. i sat on a bench (circa 1:30 – 2:45am). i had an epiphany, which was this:

the idea of Eris (greek god/dess of discord) is both soothing and disconcerting at the exact same time. it’s this dual-nature, sort of like quanta, that makes it all so perfect (and yet not neat or tidy still!).

i also saw a skunk. i scared it off with a hiss, but i didn’t scare it too much. no need for that.