Author: jae

getting more used to the graveyard shift. still haven’t figured out a way to get anything done, though. it’s occurred to me that i still have to do sleep at some point, which always seems to get in the way.

was DEATHLY ill this past week. still getting better. cough, hack. ever been so sick you actually felt really fucken high? yeah, that was me.

more drama with Holly’s ex-BF. poor bastard. i felt awful then, as now. he has GOT to get his shit together. i fear he’s hopeless, though.

Holly’s ex-husband, however, brought her over some long-lost things, so that’s really great!

must get the rest of my shit moved out of the old apartment soon.

am deathly ill.

in lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the charity of your choice.

adios amigos.

today was my first day back on the job after training for a bath & body shop owned by the parent company which owns the lingerie company i have been fielding calls and emails for. not a single contact for the bath & body company, which isn’t too surprising, since the official website re-launch e-commerce site wasn’t until 6am EST today. however…

i’ve been hearing about this. there are a few lingerie stores that have been remodeled. they feature more-risqué products and provocatively-posed mannequins.

some people don’t like that. i got many, many emails from whiny old conservative women who told me so. in fact, i learned today that “mainstream America” doesn’t like these images, which “[promote] homosexuality,” chiefly because homosexuality is not mainstream and therefore must be bad. “mainstream America,” she explained, does not like “homosexuality.”

big deal, i say.

i did get one email commending us (from a guy, who said he used to work in marketing). good.

what’s wrong with mannequins humping one another in store windows in suburban malls? it’s marketplace art. it’s vaguely subversive. it’s pseudo-erotic. it’s mannequins, for chrissakes.

but on to the homo stuff. here, i must rant:

why is it okay for straight people to gaze at each other, but not gay people? why is it so bad for children to know that gay people exist? does it somehow make more sense to keep telling kids that there’s a Santa Claus but not a gender blur? is it not queer enough to shield your children from the mere fact of the existence of actual evil, and queerer still to shield them from, my god, love?!? but, though not even being remotely evil (per se, en masse), gays are supposed to hide in the darkness like vampires, monsters; never to come out in the daytime, lest they be –gasp, shock!– seen?!

what the fuck is America coming to?

but beyond that, even… why hide sexuality at all? it’s where we come from, for the love of god. you would not be reading this if not for sexuality. you would not have been born, and neither would anything else.

sometimes i feel like the only black guy at the indie rock show (to quote a great song by seanp).

today i start my very first Third Shift job evar.

their systems are not even fully implemented. we are not ready for bidness.

i will have to sit and listen to _triquetra_‘s squeaky little voice giggling with customers from ten ’til two at night. i am not looking forward to this or that.

i am broke as a broke-dick dog.

my PC is still not working.

in 3 weeks i will officially be too old to be allowed into hip clubs.

i hate life.

at least i have love.

i still can’t believe that one of my favorite rock idols grabbed ME, and not vice-versa. i was just standing there, talking to the Posies’ drummer (Darius Minwalla – poor guy just about blew his chops by the end of the show!), and here comes Ken fucking Stringfellow, making a beeline toward Holly & me.

the world is a pretty groovy place, especially if you love really good rock and roll.

swear to god i will post in more detail about the show later this weekend.

Posies. rocked. pretty low turnout for such a fucking fantastic band. they rocked our asses off, though. never thought a band i turned on to with their jangle-pop Dear 23 record would rock that fucking hard.

seriously, they fucking WENT OFF LIKE BERSERK FREAKS.

Ken Stringfellow grabbed Holly and i out of nowhere (“I saw you two out front smoking!” – actually, he’d passed right by us as we were making out) and dragged us over to the bass player Matt Harris (also of opener Oranger) & some mates, introducing us as “J & H Productions.”

i coulda creamed my goddamn shorts.

got autographs of all four current members.

will post later in more detail.

my car in shop; grandfather’s car bugged out electronically & died horrifically just as we got onto I-70 out of Columbus (all gauges failed simultaneously, then all lights off in fast lane with semis a-gogo just behind us in the next two lanes!) …had to get lift from dad back into Dayton. got home ~5am, went to work as scheduled at 8am. :/

and now, blissful sleep. i could dream all day.

i’ll be at the Posies show tonight at Little Brother’s in Columbus.

hells yeah!!

gotta run….

my current favorite online discussion

does anybody ever occasionally have really sudden, very very intense headaches during or near/just prior to climaxing (particularly with a special friend)?

i know i have high blood pressure, although it was perfect last time i checked.

on the upside, it was totally worth it ;)

last night: margaritas & Sauza shots. dancing to Parliament/P-Funk with Holly.

today: listening to Cocker Spaniels (seanp) & Loving Scares (my pal Tony D). (both most brilliant rock music ever created, & made by two of the greatest human beings ever born.) taking Holly to meet Tony later. getting CDs to burn parts of my hard drive that shouldn’t touch hers (program files, zipped downloads, mailboxes, etc.). possibly even repair my PC.

got the hard drive in the case, it works fine, can access a lot of my old stuff. am making backups and getting ready to burn some discs. this weekend we’ll do the big box & see what happens.

today i set up the main parts of my home studio (Roland VS-880ex digital 8-track recorder, Roland TR707 drum machine, Plextor Plexwriter CD burner, Studio Projects VTB-1 tube mic preamp, cheap piece of crap PC speakers, etc.).

i was listening to some Jurassic 5 at moderately loudish volume. the teenage next door neighbor girl comes over to ask me to turn it down, because her sickly baby is sleeping. racist. if you can’t stand the funk, get out of funkytown.

i’m saving every penny i can until we can move the fuck out of here. this is why i hate neighbors. my old neighbors were cool, and rarely home.

i will never be able to scream again, or scrub tracks at moderate listening volume without wearing mix-killing headphones. not until we can move into a more musician-friendly place.

we’ve got to get her driving, too, so it won’t matter so much how far away from work we live (or where she can work), and so she can see her folks any time she pleases.

i’ve been brewing this for a long, long time now. i feel i can finally come forward with this; the time is finally good:

the occult, magic/k, new age beliefs, and mysticism in general are all crap. complete and utter bulldada.

this idea has been festering in me. it is stimulated foremost by those great charlatans and wise men Aleister Crowley and Carlos Castaneda.

here’s how it works:

we, as children, first think of “real magic” as if it were bolts of lightning from the palms of sorcerors.

we grow up a little and finally, after mustering up the courage to ask our forebears, realize that, well, “it’s not quite like that.” you do rituals and perform arcane incantations, and sometimes you can almost believe you can make your neighbor go bankrupt, or fall in love with you. but you’re still not quite steady on the actual physical science of it. you investigate.

sensing your natural inquisitiveness, your guru or mentor or what-have-you asks you to accept a sort of promotion. the more you learn, the more you realize how unnecessary much of the actual ceremony is. you get a Matrix-like inkling that something is amiss, somehow. like it’s “not quite like” how you were led to understand it.

at some point, you are given a key made of pure data: the concepts of WILL (Crowley), or INTENDING (Castaneda). something is suddenly starting to click, but you’re not sure which puzzle piece fits where just yet. until…

you realize that magic is nothing. there is no “magic/k”. there is only you, and your tool to make things happen (intent), to cause change in accordance with your own will.

you are magic. you have the power to create or to destroy. you can make things happen.

can you chop down a mountain with the back of your hand? hardly. but human beings (in concert, at least) have been directed to take on monumental challenges many, many times in the past. can you shoot flames from your fingertips? no. you can stalk, kill, or even devise foolproof schemes to outwit or even destroy your enemy. can you see into the future? no. but you can envision it. and you can cause precisely the sort of changes that are necessary in order to make the future comply with your intentions.

magic is more subtle than you have been led to believe! so much so, that you have been performing it for many many years without realizing it, because the make-believe sort never even existed in the first place; you have simply been getting your way.