went to see family. while Kent was here we had a candid discussion of my grandfather’s mental condition. also, my dad found out that his Reglan may be responsible for his statue-like demeanor and general confusion. also, he shouldn’t have been on it for more than 12 weeks. he’s been on the shit for something more like a year.
fuck the health care industry.
also, his physical therapy is stopping, because the agency has deemed it useless. they’ve checked his ass out, and Medicare is, in all likelihood, patting them on the back for doing such a fine job.
fuck the health care industry.
today, now that Grandpa is off of that evil Reglan shit, he’s been going through some sort of delusional, paranoid withdrawal. he’s trying to escape (chair, bed); my dad found him on the floor after he went outside for a few minutes. he had a phone in his hands and was trying to call the police because he was being held captive. he claimed while i was there that my dad and his “co-instigator” (wife Gerry) had taken him out to a shack last night and locked him in (though he admitted that the door was open) for four, no twelve, hours. he called my dad a bastard numerous times, and said such awful things about the poor sacrificing brokenback man that it was just heartbreaking (esp. after all my dad’s done to help him and to get himself all cleaned up and sober and responsible). half the time the only thing that kept me from either cracking up or crying was the ambiguous, contradictory nature of this dual response. i did a little bit of both.
fuck the whole god DAMN health care industry.
speaking of crying, if you’ve had a rough time of it lately, here’s what NOT to do: don’t listen to the late, great Jeff Buckley’s angelic cover of Leonard Cohen’s masterful “Hallelujah” – it always brings me completely down in tears, especially this part:
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah….
