something really funny just happened. i wish i had a video of it.
i was listening to NPR and some comic with an annoying voice was talking about Lily Tomlin (who i adore) and somebody else, i forget who. somebody who paved the way for women comics. anyway, i was trying to place the voice, when i said to myself, dear god, i hope that’s not Rita Rudner. as if on cue, the voice announced, “I’m Rita Rudner…” and at that very moment my cigarette actually physically popped out of my mouth and fell to the floor! i couldn’t have done it in a funnier way if i had tried (an’ trust me, i’m a funnyboy – pratfalls and everything); it just happened involuntarily.
i now dub that bit the “cigarette-spit take”.
i never liked Rita Rudner. i’m sure she’s a sweet person and all, but she’s so goddamn stiff. and she reminds me physically of this chick i used to date, who was forever looking for love&sex in every imaginable place because she had some kinda weird emotional issues. looked a lot like her, except for the hair. this poor chick was fucked up. a sweet person, though, and at least she was monogamous. but damn, i think she must have done every living thing from here to Florida (no, i’m serious). she was the only person i ever tried to go down on where i voluntarily stopped just short and came quickly back up. god only knows what kinda funky-ass mess she musta had down there. she’s married now and her stepkids are almost as old as she is (no kidding; just a few years younger!)… and she calls them her “sons” (NOT step-sons). fucking weirdo. sweet girl, though. for a headcase.
