Categories
music

understandable rough working mix

here’s a song i’m working on right now; i think i’ve got a good one — just need to figure out a way to keep this godforsaken funeral dirge interesting through 5+ minutes

(warning: keep away from sharp objects)

transmothra · understandable (early mix)

Lyrics:

Sometimes it’s so unbearable to be me
I just can’t do anything anymore
For everything I’ve ever said and done
I have a regret that cuts me to the core

It’s my own fault my life is misery
Maybe i was born on my deathbed
I told an old friend I wanted to end it all
I’ll never forget what he said

“Understandable”

Nobody ever wants me around anymore
It’s been years since i’ve had any friends
I don’t wanna go out anyway
I just want all this to end

I think i might be the worst person ever
I just feel like such a fool
And i know there are so many reasons
Why you’d be so cruel

That’s understandable

This all started the day i was born
And love was only ever tough
It seems like it’s only gotten worse
I’ve been working on myself, but it’s never enough

My own worst critic is having company over
I’m just so glad that everybody agrees
My feelings are valid
Yeah they make a lot of sense

That’s understandable.

Categories
creative music

treachery 2.0

Sometime around ~1991 i made this song:

I got a wild hair up my ass and am re-recording it now. It’s something i half-heartedly started working on many years ago, but didn’t really feel that version was quite up to snuff. Here’s what the new version is starting to sound like:

I’ve still got some work to do (adding guitars and sound effects, for example), but i like where it’s going so far.

Edit 25 February 2025: added a guitar part & did some stuff. Still working on it!

Oh i also made this cool splash screen image for Reaper too.

Categories
music

don’t mind me

i’m having a slight meltdown lately. i’ve been working on music fairly intensely and starting to let the new things outside where people can hear it, and from there to potentially push it down into the mud and throw things at it while pointing and laughing at it, and i’m starting to really fear it’s truly all just the shittiest music ever created (or close enough to it), and i’m coming very near to the realization that the one thing i’ve lived for my whole life — creating music — has actually only ever been upsettingly awful in its totality.

And so what then? What’s left after that? It’ll have all been for naught, and the future will be bleaker and so much worse than i ever could have imagined. The best case scenario, i worry, is that i’ll be responsible for putting people in the awkward position of having to say something polite about something they surely found to be the most cringeworthy thing they’d encountered in a while. So i’ve actually been considering scrapping it all, deleting the files, selling all my gear, and just forgetting about music to the point of never even listening to any of it anymore.

Nobody will ever read this, but on the weird chance that somebody ever does, all the evidence is right here, so they can see it for themselves. It’s all just so unbearably embarrassing. I wish i could just die and get it over with.

Categories
creative music songs

new song: “no more”

Categories
music

finally, some new songs are starting to emerge

A couple of sketches of works-in-progress. I’m always accidentally working in either a fucked-up time signature or a fucked-up key; here it’s the latter for both of these tunes. The first is practically fucking chromatic, while the second is diminished. What the hell is wrong with me.

transmothra · sketch #8

This one is at a very, very early stage.

transmothra · sketch #9
Categories
music

like we are, mix #12

It just occurred to me that the latest version of my song “like we are” hasn’t yet been posted here of all places. So here’s the last working mix i was trying out. It’s still a work in progress. My main recording rig has been busted for a long while, so it’s been a year since i’ve done any work on it.

It’s A Big Deal for me because i wrote this song about twenty-five years ago (!!) but never really got to record it properly. IMHO, it’s my finest song, and for a long, long time it was kind of a personal travesty that i didn’t have it recorded.

I still have to add a guitar solo to it and do some more tweaking.

Categories
music

“like we are” working mix

[soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/257580417″ params=”auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&visual=true” width=”100%” height=”450″ iframe=”true” /]

Rough, working mix of a recording still in progress.

I’m not sure how this mix sounds on various systems, so i’d love some feedback re: balancing elements, stereo panning, EQ, etc. (and yes, i do know the singer is shitty, but he’s all i’ve got to work with).

Here are the lyrics.

Categories
music

now on Bandcamp

Even if you don’t buy this (dirt cheap at $anything for 17 tracks), if you like it even a little, please share it. I’m trying to finance putting together a better record of new music, but i’ll need some help to do it. Thanks!

[bandcamp width=350 height=470 album=2323311396 size=large bgcol=333333 linkcol=e32c14 tracklist=false]

Categories
creative life music uncategorized

home, sick

Been home sick for the past few days. Last night i finally went to see a doctor (at the local Urgent Care) and got a couple of prescriptions. Apparently, i’ve got a real crappy sinus infection that’s spreading to my lungs. I let it happen by not going to the doctor, but i honestly just thought it was the result of all the plaster i’d been breathing in lately. I figured it would just work itself out of my system, and that would be that. Well, it wasn’t.

Speaking of which, the ceiling guy (the old guy) did finally patch up our ceiling. In the process, he and his daughter managed to cover everything with yet another fine layer of plaster silt. They’re supposed to be painting the ceiling soon. They fucking better bring more drop cloths this time. Paint is impossible to get out of electronics compared to fine dust.

So i’ve been working on music in my downtime. The good news is that “Like We Are” is coming along rather nicely. The weird part is that it’s somehow morphed from an Afghan Whigs mope-n-dope dirge into a funky piano ballad. I’m not sure how it happened, but the refrain has managed to resolve itself into a syncopated shuffle. I guess that’s okay, but i have yet to toss the guitar part in. That was the first part i wrote, about ten years ago now. I’m just not sure how or if it’s going to fit. I can’t compromise my original vision for this song. Although it’s taking me down some unexpected paths – which i do find myself quite enjoying – i will not let this one stray yet again from being recorded as i have always heard it in my head. So we’ll see. Hopefully it will work out well enough that i won’t have to scrap everything and start over from scratch.

I promise to have some audio up soon.

Categories
creative current events life local memories music uncategorized

stuff and things

Holly- we went to the ER a couple of weeks back. She’s back on insulin. She’s been really up and down a lot lately. It’s rough for us both, but i can’t imagine having to be her and go through that. She’s getting better, though.

Music- i’ve been making music again. Funny thing is, i started trying to rework a 10 year old song of mine that i’ve always loved that i’ve never been able to get a good recording of. It’s a dark ballad about love gone badly wrong; very much in the Afghan Whigs tradition. I did arrange a brand new piano part for ambience, but stranger than that is that i was fooling around and stumbled onto a new chord that just completely breathes new life into a chorus part that was definitely in danger of being a little too comfortably numb. I changed a G to a Em/G in the third position, like a Cmaj7 but with a G root. I think it saved my song. I’ll have a recording of that in a few days.

Residence- we have yet to meet the new owner of the house we’re living in. We’re dealing with some tough issues with that. Like what happens if he decides that we’re not paying enough rent to live in a crummy but huge house? What if he wants us out right away? We have no idea what our near future holds with regard to our living situation. And that blows, big time.

Locally- It’s been so hot here that the glue holding the rear-view mirror onto the windshield of my grandpa’s Alero has melted and the mirror fell clean off!

Categories
creative internets memories uncategorized

Phase One of Creative Development

Do you ever get to the last steps of the first major phase of a project, only to freeze up? Don’t get me wrong. This particular freeze will only last, at most, a couple of hours. I’ve just realized that I will be done enough to upload and try out my new WordPress theme, Big Urgent Wish, once I create a few insanely simple GIF backgrounds. The only thing left for this phase is to install plugins and create stylesheets for print and small screen formats. Which I don’t even actually need to do at all at this stage. But then comes the daunting task of backing everything up, taking a deep breath, and hitting “transfer” on my FTP client.

Maybe if I create a safety checklist it will help me to feel a little better.

But I wonder if i just don’t want the initial design phase to end? I do so love the process of creation. There’s nothing more thrilling or exhilarating than starting nearly from scratch and making something cool, whether it be a work of prose, visual art, music, or merely a little theme for your blog.

And I don’t care quite as much for the next processes: final testing, installation, distribution, etc. Imagine spending countless hours putting your heart and soul and everything you’ve learned into creating a work of visual art, and then having to drive it to the gallery and install it yourself, then standing around waiting for someone to awkwardly tell you that they liked or didn’t like it, finally having to make arrangements to send it home with someone else.*

 

*Nearly unrelated: Incidentally, I’ve never been able to let myself sell or give away any of my visual artworks, either – thank “Bob” for digital distribution channels for my other creative ventures like music and web design, thusly letting me keep the originals!

Categories
creative music podcasts songs uncategorized

Downside, an upside

Finally, after three or four days of nearly agonizingly languishing meditation on the fate of my latest song, comes the breakthrough I’ve been lusting after: I had gotten up to go to bed, and the moment took me completely by surprise. And at first, I did not even know that it was the missing piece that I sought.

Rising from my chair and extinguishing one of my last cigarette butts in my desk ashtray, I found that I had a melody already in my head, complete with an accompaniment of washing, ethereal rhythm guitar. It was nothing more than background noise; the blips and bleeps that randomly orchestrate themselves into patterns of thought or waves of sound. The type that usually functions merely as a filter through which to perceive the void in front and behind you as the world, as reality, often taking on the arduous task of giving you a rhythm with which to shuffle your feet forward.

And then it struck me: I had a bit of an interesting thing going on… I wondered if I should take a moment to figure out the melody and the chords underneath, so as not to forget it when I awake, seven hours later and a completely newborn human being all over again.

As I considered how best to record this thing without having to actually turn on my digital multitrack recorder, it hit me once more, as if to carry the point home: what if it goes with the thumping, driving, slow groove I’ve already got? Yet again was I assaulted with more forceful, intuitive instruction from within: Turn the fucking recorder on, you idiot! Do not lose this! It is perfect!

I turned on the recorder, hastily gathered together a few effects pedals (after trying to figure out how best to save the current patches onboard the VS-880EX recorder for the drums, without losing the careful nuances I’d already fine-tuned), plugged in an electric guitar, and ran it through.

It fit. Perfectly. The rising melody, like a siren calling from a forgotten time; the cascading, echoed rhythm guitar burbling underneath like waves upon the ocean; the bass, thumping along like exhausted, yet somehow furiously driven oars hitting the water with a great, unified FLONGT.

[SHIFT]+[STORE]. Save Current? Y.

Must leave, go to bed, reboot, so as not to ruin it with overthinking things. Tomorrow, I will begin again.

Poweroff/Restart? 0.

Thomphsss, sleep now.

Downside (working title), sample 1

Categories
creative life music uncategorized

Downside

Lately i’ve been working, taking as much care of Holly as I can humanly manage (and managing to piss her off once in a while, too – oops), trying, frankly desperately, to keep my head above water financially, and trying – my god, I’m trying – to manage my creative life. Primarily at the moment I’m working hard on a brand new song. This one’s heavy, with a low, funky “Those Shoes” kind of vibe. The working title is “Downside,” and lyrically, it’s about the hear/see/speak-no-evil attitude of rich people when dealing with those of us on the Other Side of town. The Battle of the Haves vs. the Have Nots. That could always change, as these things do, when the lyrics start getting downright sophomoric. Low bass, some common and twisted chord changes, and chaotic, mind-bending guitar, with a Soundgardenesque vocal melody. Probably been done before, but this one’s mine.

Over time, I plan on posting a sort of mini-log of how it’s going. If possible, i’d love to post a running mix as it develops; however, my creative time is severely limited, so this might take a longer time than I’d like. For anyone who might read this who’s a home-recording nut, this one’s for you. DIY, baby.

Categories
music web design

Some older songs

Music page updated slightly with some old songs, and an early, super-rough mix of the one i’m finishing right now.

Me & Kramer

Categories
creative memories music podcasts songs

ain’t got time for The Shins

here’s an old track from the early 90s. i recorded this on a Fostex X-26 4-track cassette recorder with a Dixon Les Paul copy and a Radio Shack mic. enjoy the (badly done) faux Robert Plant-isms.
[audio:https://transmothra.com/audio/sins.mp3]