Tag: i am a tortured artist, goddammit!

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life memories uncategorized

Thirty-five (is not alive)

I’m not sure, but I’ve become really disdainful of my own birthday over the past few years. All I want are for people to forget about it. Who cares? I don’t need no stinkin’ holiday! This year, I worked on my birthday, and thankfully had plenty of non-birthday-ness. At any rate, I had a good enough time, and blew far more money on myself than, in hindsight, I should have. Maybe it’s just that I want my birthday all to myself? Maybe I just don’t want to share? Maybe I’m just godless and don’t believe in no magical Jesuses and my increasingly heathen ways* are finally starting to affect more than just my outward worldview, but my inward self-image as well.

Maybe I just resent my childhood? Or is it my adulthood, which i most certainly detest, and with profound conviction? Maybe the mere passage of my increasingly limited time is not cause for celebration or merest remembrance to me.

Or maybe it’s just that much more special when only a couple of really close friends remember?

And maybe I need counseling for my crippling social phobia.

Having said that… your birthday is a special and magical day to me, gentle reader, and I do mean that. And, regardless, thanks to those good people who did remember. Please don’t do it again until further notice.

 

* ironically, less amoral and illicit

Categories
creative internets memories uncategorized

Phase One of Creative Development

Do you ever get to the last steps of the first major phase of a project, only to freeze up? Don’t get me wrong. This particular freeze will only last, at most, a couple of hours. I’ve just realized that I will be done enough to upload and try out my new WordPress theme, Big Urgent Wish, once I create a few insanely simple GIF backgrounds. The only thing left for this phase is to install plugins and create stylesheets for print and small screen formats. Which I don’t even actually need to do at all at this stage. But then comes the daunting task of backing everything up, taking a deep breath, and hitting “transfer” on my FTP client.

Maybe if I create a safety checklist it will help me to feel a little better.

But I wonder if i just don’t want the initial design phase to end? I do so love the process of creation. There’s nothing more thrilling or exhilarating than starting nearly from scratch and making something cool, whether it be a work of prose, visual art, music, or merely a little theme for your blog.

And I don’t care quite as much for the next processes: final testing, installation, distribution, etc. Imagine spending countless hours putting your heart and soul and everything you’ve learned into creating a work of visual art, and then having to drive it to the gallery and install it yourself, then standing around waiting for someone to awkwardly tell you that they liked or didn’t like it, finally having to make arrangements to send it home with someone else.*

 

*Nearly unrelated: Incidentally, I’ve never been able to let myself sell or give away any of my visual artworks, either – thank “Bob” for digital distribution channels for my other creative ventures like music and web design, thusly letting me keep the originals!