Which Member of the Endless Are You?

i’ve decided to write a book. again. when/if i ever get the [fucking] time to get into it, i’ll post details.

been meaning to write about death lately. it’s affected my life so much.

tonite on PBS, there was a show about Hospice. it brought back some really traumatic scenes in a tremendous way. i’ll write more about those things later.

every time i get to crying over my grandmother, i eventually stumble over the image of her goofily cackling in mirth at her own bizarre humour. it’s as if she were comforting me from The Other Side. don’t worry, i’m still devoutly agnostic.

all weekend i’ve been ordering an assload of some of the greatest CDs ever created, and yesterday in the mail i got the coolest thing i could ever have received: a wonderful card from a dear friend. thank you.

just found out that Doom III is looking really, really, REALLY damn impressively good. it’s supposed to look like Doom via Pixar. i’ll say my goodbyes to everyone later.

sorry about the utter lack of updates. more can be found on my livejournal, for those wanting something/anything new.

so i haven’t been to phpBB.com for a while (ever since the pc crashed), and i stopped in today to see the latest add-ons… it seems my rank images are actually the most downloaded rank images on there! pretty fucking cool, if y’axe me…

also, i’ve got this meat-thing site, but i haven’t yet even begun to think of something good to do with it. actually, i did think of doing a humour section called “Customer Service Reference Manual,” but for some reason, i just have no comedy in me when it comes to actually implementing that. so… if anyone has any GOOD ideas they’d like to share, let me know.

last night i had drinks with my friends Jason, Krissy, Jessie, Trish, and Trish’s husband Gary. then we went to Jessie’s and hung out with Mike, her husband. all in all, a great damn time. but shit did i ever get ‘faced. i hope i didn’t say or do anything really stupid that i don’t remember now. i don’t seem to remember saying goodnight/goodbye to Jason’s awesome fiancee Krissy, and possibly anyone else. but anyway, had a great time getting drunk and loud and laughy with the gang and the whole pubbishness of it and all. i don’t see any of them nearly enough.

today, i didn’t do anything. i was supposed to go see Star Wars II with people, but i never got the phone call i was wanting to get. fuck it; i blew everything off anyway. i even blew off entertaining myself. hell, i slept until four something in the afternoon! goddamn lousy bum i am…

Yoda, then: One of the coolest characters in the Star Wars universe.

Yoda, now: Nobody even comes close.

so i should mention that
1) i am devastated (but not surprised) by Layne Staley’s death,
2) i saw a meteor at 5.15pm the other day on my way home from work. it was huge, flaming like a fucker from hell (abfackeln!!), and fast. and it hit close by, next to the road. did anybody else see it? hell no. yet again.
3) something else that i forgot.

‘puter was down for a month. just now starting to get back into the swing of things. got a lot done the past few days.

got a job a few weeks ago. CSR work, yet again. only this time god damn i hate the job. but i gots to get paaaaaiiiiid, so i can do Interesting Things for once.

i haven’t heard back from Brian in a while. i wonder if he still wants me to score that film? i’ve got loads of unfinished music that would be good for film cues.

i’m completely fucking naked right now and i’m using both hands on the keyboard, and i don’t care what you, or anybody else has to say about that.

terrible society bbs.

starting to like Marillion again, ever since this guy at work burned me a copy of them performing their Brave album live. damn, it’s good, with or without Fish.

bought some best-of’s recently. Cheap Trick, and Public Enemy.

some other stupid things happened to me, or else i happened to the stupid things. but i’m not tellin’ which, or what happened.

found out last week that myself and Gonzo (of Muppet Show fame) (or infamy) share a common ancestor.

when i get enough money, i think i’m Going West.

had a terrible chest pain the other day. actually, abdomen, chest, and left shoulder. lasted for hours. absolutely excruciating. hard to breathe, all that. feel fine now.

i have no Jeremy Time. i don’t have Jeremy Space. come to think of it, i don’t even have Jeremy elbows. mine are more like a Dennis’ elbows. no pun intended.

does anyone else ever autofellate in their dreams? or is it just me? i think i’ve been asking the clone-sex question too much. i really should get another bit. this is starting to bother me. or else really turn me on; i forget which.

i’m reading Kerouac’s Visions of Gerard on my lunches. not sure what that book’s doing on my lunches. i guess mom gets bored sometimes, too. a paper sack can be like a canvas to anyone. at least she could be original. all i’m asking. i don’t blame her; i blame myself.

there are exactly ten words that rhyme with “ivy,” but i don’t think most of them have come into existence yet.

Life is set to “on” by default. i figure why mess with a formula that works?

okay, so it’s been awhile.

i interviewed for a job on Tuesday. some kind of, i don’t know, call center or something.

tomorrow (Fri) i’m revisting a place i’ve never been to before to see my friend Deaner play.

and the terrible society bbs is officially upgraded and fully operational. (so why are there no new posts in the last couple of days?)

been given to crying jags lately. mostly concerning my grandmother. trying to even things out with Peter Gabriel.

i guess that’s about it, really.

meat-thing.com.

meat-thing.com.

What kith are you? Find out here.

The eshu wander the entire world, following the path of their own fate. They get to wherever they’re going at the best moment, and the trip is always exciting. They live for adventure and the new; the moment for them is always now, and cowardice is shameful. Eshu have an extremely personal sense of honour. They follow their paths with style and flair, sampling each new culture and quickly blending in with the locals. The wanderings of the eshu are legendary; probably something they’ve seen to themselves, as the eshu are consummate tellers of tales. Indeed, they learn through their tales, gaining experience both through the telling and the achieving of feats of legend. They often see themselves as the central characters in some grand play, be they hero or villain they play their parts to the hilt, no matter the cost or how reckless the action. They’d rather go out in a blaze of glory that will fuel stories for centuries to come than live in ignominy. Besides, as changelings, they’ll simply be reborn.

ya know what kills me? what really, really kills me? i’ll tell you.

it’s how people come from little cells that split and grow and multiply via division, somehow ending up as those wonderful, goofy, amazing little organisms called kids, only to keep on growing until their cells run out of steam and start to die off, eventually causing whole organs to cease functioning properly and ultimately leading to bodily death, leaving an empty shell where there once was a human being.

that’s what kills me. that’s what makes me want to stop everything and just sit down and cry. i’m a total bleeding-heart; go ahead and call me a baby. i might, however, gouge out your fucking eyes and piss into their empty sockets if you do.

it’s something like the essence of humanity. the humanity of humanity. we are generated; we degenerate also.

i think i may need to have a little sit-down with my mitochondria.

so i’m getting a wisdom tooth out tomorrow. when they axed me if i were allergical to any anesthetics, i said “no.”

ha ha!

let it be said that my last act before the N/EtherWorld was to listen to the Hour of Slack. PRABOB!

see you fuckers on Side Two!

p.s., the password for ALL of my accounts is “fnord23bob” – DO WHAT THOU WILT.

fuck the global nuclear powers all to hell.

yeah, you heard me. fuck america and fuck russia and fuck the uk and fuck china and fuck india and fuck pakistan and fuck n. korea and fuck every other country whose leaders somehow still have the god damned GALL to think that nuclear weaponry is a good idea. i have never been so pissed off in all my life. i knew it. i knew it. god damn, i’m shaking like a leaf. a really, really very angry leaf.
read on…

from Yahoo – Reuters >> science news:

Nuke Test Fallout Caused 15,000 U.S. Deaths

Thu Feb 28, 8:53 AM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – At least 15,000 cancer deaths in the United States were probably caused by radioactive fallout from Cold War nuclear weapons tests worldwide, according to portions of a government study made public on Thursday by USA Today.

The Health and Human Services Department study, which has not been published yet, also suggested 20,000 nonfatal cancers among U.S. residents born after 1951 could be linked to fallout from aboveground weapons tests, the paper said.

USA Today said the study showed far more fallout than previously known reached the United States from nuclear tests done in the former Soviet Union and on several Pacific Islands by the United States and Britain.

Fallout from U.S. tests in Nevada also spread substantial amounts of radioactivity across a broad band of the country, the paper said.

When fallout from all domestic and foreign tests was combined, no U.S. resident born after 1951 escaped exposure, according to the study.

The estimates on radiation dispersal were based on complex computer analyzes of weather patterns, population trends and other data that can gauge public exposure to fallout from aboveground nuclear tests, the paper said.

USA Today said data in the study showed global fallout blanketed much of the United States with heavy pockets in Iowa, Tennessee, California, Oregon, Washington and Idaho.

Fallout from Nevada tests settled more in states such as Utah, Idaho, Colorado, Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa and Missouri.

The Department of Health and Human Services could not immediately be reached for comment.

what i’ve been doing lately instead of having fun playing Tony Hawk 3 or going online (interspersed with to-do tasks):

1) open projects for the all-class reunion site (for mar. 1st launch):
-a) photos section/subdir
-b) make new Flash menu system
-c) big day page (details all the stuff happening at the reunion)
-d) replace old hotels page with new hotels page
-e) get around to updating all the other shit i’ve been blowing off lately, like the memorial and the sponsors page.
-f) replace registration page with new registration page
-g) uh-oh… make new registration page
-h) i forgot what else
-i) remember what else! remember what else!
-j) replace all references to old URL with new one
2) uploaded site to new server, changed DNS at registrar (looks propagated now), left a note on the door that we won’t be back at old URL
3) reinstalling BBS
-a) found massive security leak. two, counting the directory (fixed using .htaccess). must upgrade to either v1.4.4 or v2 alpha (a swank one, that)
-b) after upgrading to 2.0, need to make a whole damn new set of images for each theme/template
-c) add new stuff to new forum version, play with new admin options, ban everybody, unban everybody, ban everybody again because it’s so fun to do, accidentally ban myself, swear and curse myself for being a moron, throw a big fit, lie down for a bit…
4) test, test, test (will probably replace with hope, hope, hope)
5) shit, what happened to that leftover pizza?
-a) praise Dobbs, or
-b) hail the fuck out of Eris (or fuck the hail out her)