my dad left me a flipped out voicemail today. he was freaking out, probably cracking under pressure. asking me if i was ever going to go see my grandpa again. i admit, i only go over about once every other week these days.
my grandfather is dying, and my family won’t hire someone to help out. they want me to drop my life (again; last time was with my grandmother, who i helped voluntarily) and move in and get paid to wipe ass, and do a good bit of wussy crying and probably get back on the bottle and so on.
it was hard taking care of my grandmother. i drank. and when she finally died, i lost my whole life for a little while. i mean my mental and emotional health was fucked up seventeen ways to sunday.
my family doesn’t think he’s dying, or they think he’s not dying all that much. or something. i don’t know. i can barely admit it myself. i don’t want to believe it, because it all happened so suddenly, back in November of 2004.
so he’s wigging out, and taking it out on me via my voicemail, and i just don’t know what the fuck to do. i mean, i don’t want to just drop my life all over again. i don’t want to go through that. i lost a lot of time, and found it a lot harder to find decent work after being unemployed for so long.
but he needs a break. we can NOT shuffle him off to some goddamn lousy nursing home. but they NEED to learn to trust home health care workers again.
One reply on “fucked up voicemail from my dad”
You, obviously, can’t just stay out of the picture completely, however, you can’t go do that to yourself again, either. I am the voice of reason, whispering in your ear. You can’t do that again. You can help and you can love and you can give but I do not give you permission to do those things to such a degree that it hurts you. Love love love.