today, a mishmash of general things and feelings.

it was DEFINITELY a glomus tumor. no more worries there. i am so glad. something so basically simple, y’know?

got my bandage off today. ever have a bandage stick to the crusted blood on a new wound and then it pulls your skin apart when you take it off? man, that’s painful. anyway, it looks fucking ugly. it’s all black with stitches and

DOES IT HURT TO GET STITCHES OUT??!

the skin looks all pink and kinda cottage cheesey, i guess because it’s sinking back in after being a bit stretched out. it’s a bit sore, but i took some Vicodin, so it’s all good now.

i get my guitar books from Amazon tomorrow. i can’t wait to start digging into that Kramer. i sure hope i don’t fuck up yet another perfectly decent guitar. i still need some more gear, but i can do for now. i have the very basic stuff, except for a compressor, but i have an onboard one on the VS-880EX (a Roland digital multitrack machine).

my work accidentally forgot to code in 8 hours, from saturday i believe, so now i have to pay my rent, utilities, plus car insurance on one measly paycheck. OUCH.

my hair is really long now, a little longer maybe than in my mood icon. but a lot bushier. i am growing a beard from being lazy and one-handed. and i bet i am getting really smelly from being afraid of the shower (bandage-wise, and because i’m one-handed so it’s practically worthless). Lisa says i don’t smell but i bet i stink ripely.

i just watched the Linklater films Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. loved them. sad, though. i think of Paola, and Ria, and the green-haired Canadian girl who i met on the bus in Berlin who left without saying goodbye and whose name escapes me just now. and how i wish i could see them all, and the others i met in Europe (especially Emily, and Sebastian) once again. Eurobus sucks! :D

Lisa is moving out. she can start moving into her new apartment this friday. i wish her the best. this sounds more like death than it is. still, i have the terrifying feeling that we are inevitably going to drift far, far apart. and this makes me sad.

i will miss the smell of her clothes when i am missing her and she’s at work. i will miss many things about her. i will miss her gentle hands and her charming smile and her silly humor and talking late at night about nothing. i will miss her deep dark eyes. all of these things i can still be around, but it will be in her apartment from now on. they will no longer be so constant in my life. i feel sad at this, too.

grown-up life is never at all like you think it will be when you’re in kindergarten.