get me out of this

i’m falling apart at the seams.

my grandfather seems to be vaguely stable. he was really going downhill at an alarming rate. he hasn’t actually improved much, however. poor guy. i love him so much. i don’t know what i’d do without him. it’s only been through his machinations that i’ve had a decent life and any possessions to my name.

someday, i will tell you about the bird i tried to save as a kid, only to kill it while trying to feed it worms with a dropper. well, that’s all there is to it, really, so i guess i’ve just told it already. the moral of the story is that i should let the nurses do the feeding, because when i do it, he winds up choking and gets pneumonia. i realize i may be blaming myself needlessly, that he choked when anyone gave him a little bit of water.

my uncle drove straight through the night from Manhattan.

my paycheck was fucked up and now i’ve somehow managed to OWE my employers. shit.

my work won’t let me take off any more time unless i get somebody to cover it. my work is an asshole. no wonder people bring bitterness (and Desert Eagles) to work. i wouldn’t do that, of course, but i certainly feel hostile about things. i may need to quit, though, and i want to be re-hirable, so i might have to just shut my big fucking trap and get over it.