so my girlfriend had a rough time coming to terms with the fact that she had to kill off most of those horrific, Lovecraftian monstrosities. i feel for her. i’m the same way. i really admire those Buddhist monks who walk around with brooms, sweeping the path in front of them, lest they accidentally crush an unwary insect. that’s just tremendous to me. i wish i had the will to do just that. we Westerners are told that it’s because they think the ants might be a relative, via reincarnation, which really just goes to show how shallow our feeble little western minds really are. it’s not that; that’s so superficial and self-centered (albeit indirectly self-centered). really, it’s because they have respect for Life. for ALL forms of Life.
Life is holy, man. think about that the next time you find yourself in a position where you have to make a decision to snuff out another creature’s Consciousness, their Awareness. i do. i think about that all the time. all living creatures, to the lowest forms of Life, experience some sort of self-awareness.
think of the horror of being mauled by a thing a hundred thousand times your weight.
what these insects don’t understand (and i never thought i’d ever start a sentence in just that particular way…) is that they can be harmful in some very real ways to other creatures.
we need to understand the same things for ourselves. we can be harmful, too. look at what we’re doing to the Oceans (as just one horrible example out of literally zillions).
i think about Beastie Boy (and Buddhist) Adam Yauch, who won’t let people eat in his apartment, for fear they’ll leave crumbs, which will attract cock-a-roaches, which he does not wish to have to kill. that is meaningful to me.
but back to her…
i love the fact that there is so much left to explore in her. i have been very careful for three years now not to ask too many questions all at once. for one thing, too much information is too easily forgot, and all at once no less. so i’ve tried to keep my questioning to a minimum. and that’s really worked, i think, because there is still, as i’ve said, so much left. she has such depth! i want to be that fresh to her in the years to come.
oh, in the beginning, it was all questions! how sweet… “do you like rainbows and sunsets and chocolate and Mars and elves and prairies and Bob Dylan and… and… and…?” that’s how it was all the time. i learned enough back then to know that i wanted her to be my friend, a good friend, for life.
i was thinking the other day of all the things that i bet i already know about her, without knowing for sure. like, i’ve gleaned from her grammatical corrections that she’s into words, but i don’t quite know if she’s an amateur etymologist like i am. (how thrilled i was, such a geek that i am, to know that my old coworker Nancycooke was into words like that!) but i’m trying to be patient. i don’t want to exhaust her supply of charms, which are probably inexhaustible anyway (near as i can tell), but i’m not taking chances – she’s special. i want to always have new things to explore in her. i want us to be new and fresh to each other for a long time.
and it’s funny, because here i’ve known this wonderful girl for 3 years this November, and it all still seems so wonderful and new and, thus, romantic to me. i’m glad i got the early questions out of the way. i know we’re compatible now. but i’m even gladder to have left plenty unasked.
we’re going to have a LOT to talk about, for a good while.
also, she wrote something very sweet today concerning me. i was quite moved, to say the very least.
