confession: sometimes, when i’m out in public and i see a little kid, i think about kidnapping them.
no, no, no, no, no. not ME kidnapping them. i look at them and wonder why in the hell anybody would see one of those disease-infested snot-factories and think, ‘gee, i wanna have one of those things for myself!’
i mean, at least when you make your own, you get something out of it. (of course, women have the hard part: labor, and the possibility of having never had an orgasm during conception in the first place… so why aren’t even more kidnappers female? but i digress…)
the next time you see a missing kids flyer on the window or door of the local grocer, or in your mailbox… look over it carefully, please.
in other news, Jimmy Carter to stand trial for alleged peace-mongering.
“Prosecutors will have no difficulty establishing Carter’s willful intent to pursue and maintain the aim of peaceful intervention in international affairs when they cite his formation of The Carter Center, an organization whose three publicly stated aims are ‘Fighting Disease,’ ‘Building Hope,’ and ‘Waging Peace,'” [Vince] Halloway [, an expert in international law with the Brookings Institution,] said. “Carter will be forced to answer for his reign of tranquility before the entire world community.”
this story, from the Onion, is of course satire, but sadly, there is an awful lot of The Flavor Of These Days in it, if you dig me.
