i’ve been staring at the computer screen all. day. long.
i know what i need to do, i just can’t do it. or maybe i just think i know what i’m doing, and really, i know that i only think that i know what i’m doing, and i don’t want to fuck anything up because i only thought i knew what i was doing but really didn’t know at all.
i just need to set some variables in a config file, include the config file, and call the variables as needed. i think.
crap. i hate computers.
and now, what started as a simple statement of fact, but quickly turned into a rather unintendedly antisocial rant about being tethered like a gimp to hitech communication software:
i’ve been on YM most of the night. right now i’m invisible, because i honestly fookin’ hate instant messaging. so don’t message me, unless there’s something we need to talk about, or you’re someone who i’m real interested in talking to anyway. no offense. i just hate instant messaging, that’s all. i don’t have the first iota of dislike for any person who’s ever messaged me. it’s the damn typing and feeling obligated to think of clever things to say to keep people interested, when i’m not even interested myself and honestly don’t care whether someone else is interested. give me a call if you want to talk to me. that way, much more will be said in far less time, and then we can both go about our lives. it’s the medium i can’t stand, not you. getting messages that demand my attention just grates on my nerves. i’m not a multitasker, regardless of what my resume claims. unless you’re hiring, in which case that’s only a lie i use to keep myself productive and happy and unaware of what’s going on in the great big scary world outside of my warm, safe cubicle. there’s a couple of exceptions… and if you think you might be one of them, then you are. if you think you’re probably not, then you’re also correct. if you really want to talk badly, and i’m online, message me. otherwise, i’ll assume that you’re already busy with something and i’ll never ever message you, because even if i’d like to talk to you, i still hate instant messaging, and i also hate bugging people who don’t really feel like talking to me, which is also why i will never ever pick up a telephone and make a phone call.
also, i will never let you know when i am going to drop by your apartment, either. i just show up, because i’m lazy and selfish and i think the world revolves around me. but don’t be afraid to turn me away like a sick wet three-legged dog, either. i don’t want to be around you when you don’t want to be around me. and when you want to come over, don’t call first if you don’t need to. you are always welcome at my house.
if you ever send me a letter i will not open it unless it has a funny stamp, or a quick sketch on it; plus the name “Buster Brown” must be in the return address. otherwise, how do i know it’s really you sending it? and i never, ever open emails that don’t have all of my email addresses CC’d (@Hotmail must be BCC’d however), and the subject line must include the word “forbidden”. but if you email me regarding any sort of upcoming even you’d like for me to attend, then you must change your reply-to address so that it looks like it came from some celebrity (any one will do – just make up something, but make it look believable!). if it’s a thursday afternoon, be forewarned: none of these things matter and i will hang up, shut the door, log off, delete, or otherwise ignore you completely.
if these simple rules are not followed to the letter, i will quickly lose interest and experience an onslaught of narcolepsy, which i otherwise don’t suffer from.
jesus christ… i’m so picky about protocol it’s actually kind of funny, except that it’s really sad and pathetic.
ok, look, i’m not really this antisocial… i just hate instant messaging. it just bugs me, that’s all. that’s all!
