concerning musicians, and me:
one last thing before i get back to work on the website maker thingy…
this is about the woman who is sleeping in my dead grandmother’s bed as i type this…
when i first knew Mary, she was 13, and i was 6, or 7. i knew her because her mother, now long dead as well, was fucking my grandfather.
my grandfather, for those who don’t know, was the closest thing i ever had to a father, having been raised by my grandmother since i became something called a “ward of the state” (and what a shitty “reward” i always thought i was – the worst consolation prize ever).
she is a professional musician. “RJ,” as she calls my grandfather, has always been 100% behind her musical career, while telling me that i have to get in line and follow the rules of society.
i now have gout, and couldn’t perform if i wanted to, even though on some days, i risk heart-stopping pain just to strum a few chords. she belts out the most contrived Kansas City blues you ever heard. you’d think that her name was “Big Mama Wyke,” and not “Little Mary.” she’s really good, but it’s just so done.
i remember fondly listening to her at the age of 13 singing and playing guitar with her mother, who used to fuck my grandpa. they played bluegrass. it was the best thing you’d ever want to hear in your life. i don’t know how or when she sold out, but she sold out. like i said, at least she’s good though.
in fact, i don’t think my grandfather even knows i HAVE recorded my own original music, or that i continue to write my own original songs to this day. at least, he never mentions it. he knows i play, so it’s not like something where noone in the family knew or anything.
everyone has their preferences, i suppose.
i decided long ago that i’d rather just wait until both my grandparents were gone before i really try to make any more music on any serious level, just because i don’t want to embarrass them, and i sure as hell don’t want them (now just him) to make fun of me. i hate being embarrassed.
actually, i have nothing against her or anybody else. no animosity whatsoever! i just wish things had been different, that’s all.
shut up. don’t tell anybody i told you this!
