happy mothers’ day to all you crazy mothers out there. you’re appreciated more than you know, and more than we show.
went to the grave this morning. brought carnations. a nice elderly man offered to mow our lot, and did so. he said that he read where the city is half a million in debt and thought -correctly- that the cemetery would be the first place to be skimped on. it is already a pretty bad cemetery, even as municipal ones go. they won’t even allow non-flat headstones in the newer sections, for maintenance reasons. which i hate. it was really overgrown there, too. poor corpses.
lawnmower man’s last name was “Trick,” or something very like that; he said that his daughter had died about 3 years ago and was about 32. so sad!
needless to say, this is a bad day for me. my own mother i won’t even go into. her mom is absent from me. my grandmother (dad’s ma) is napping at aforementioned cemetery. so i am sad.
on the way home, passed the world-famous (i’m not kidding) Wot-a-Dog, and thought about how much i wanted to bring my grandma back a root beer and a hot dog. she loved those hot dogs. i just silently wept and kept driving. i miss her so dearly. i wish i would’ve spent so much more time with her. i was so selfish. i won’t lie; i hardly ever went back to her room to spend time with her. in my defense, she slept an awful lot, and much of the time she did shoo me away. but there are so many hours i wish i had spent at her bedside. i’ll never get over that. it’s just one of those heavy sorrows that i’ll carry with me until i hit the dirt myself. all i can do is hope that she understood somehow, and think of all the happier times; think of all the funny things instead and just glue the sad-ventricle of my heart shut with that morphine.
