to whom it may concern:
it’s okay. i’m done. i’ve been done from the very second that you mentioned leaving your thong over at some other guy’s place. smooth move! i was even more done, if that’s possible, when you locked that particular post away from me, showing me precisely how credible you are as a potential g/f. smooth move!
see, in The Biz™, we call the kind of thing that you and i have been doing “being in the process of hooking up.” and that kind of shit ain’t real aerodynamic, if you know what i mean.
call me petty!
oh, wait… it was all “just a joke,” right? ha ha.
so go ahead and hook up with your boss, and make out with Gabe on the side. believe me, THAT little arrangement couldn’t POSSIBLY end in tears.
