boy, this shit is going to get REAL interesting when it is all over. fortunately, thanks to my latest time-travelling invention, i have recorded the bits that i can remember.
the setting: the White House, just after Gulf War II: Operation Free Iraq, or Dirt Cheap Anyway
the scene: a press conference
the characters: Press (a reporter); GWB (a “president”); DR (a Secretary of Defense)
Press: so, uh… where did those “Weapons of Mass Destruction” turn up?
GWB: what?
P: WMDs. Weapons of Mass Destruction, sir?
GWB: uh. oh those!
(pause)
P: yeah. er…?
GWB: i’m sorry?
P: the WMDs, sir?
GWB: WMD stands for “Weapons of Mass Destruction.”
P: yes… uh, sir. that’s what I just said.
(another pause)
GWB: did you have a question?
P: yes. where did they end up finding them hidden at?
GWB: that’s a good question. I’m glad you asked that.
(long pause)
P: sir?
GWB: yes?
P: I asked about the WMDs.
GWB: what was the question, again?
P (getting irritated): ahem. so where did you end up finding the WMDs stashed at?
GWB: oh, those. yes. those were destroyed.
P: …destroyed, sir?
GWB: destroyed.
P: …by whom?
GWB: those were destroyed. there’s nothing left of them. Freedom has prevailed, and liberty has been justly dispensed.
P: ah, yes, but uh… what exactly happened to them? exactly?
GWB: they were destroyed.
P: at what point were they destroyed?
GWB: the point is that Freedom has been dealt. Justice… has been swift. let’s just say that those Weapons of Mass Destruction won’t be bothering anyone anymore.
P: uh. yeah.
GWB: that’s correct.
P: I see.
GWB: yes.
P: okay.
GWB: Liberty has once again–
P: sir?
GWB: I’m sorry? what?
P: there never were any WMDs, were there? Saddam actually DID destroy them, didn’t he?
GWB (to an aid): have this dangerous subversive placed under arrest. Anti-American disinformation propaganda will not be tolerified!
P: then where are the– (muffled; unintelligible garble)
GWB: we have shown the world that our Resolve cannot be tested lightly. our Freedom has Libertificated the Coalition Shock and Awe resolve and our Justice Coalition will resolve the Liberty of the Evil Axes! (foaming at the mouth; remainder of message just as unintelligible as the rest)
DR: incoming ICBMs! a HUNDRED AND DAMN TWELVE of ’em, each from a different fucking country! and ten of ’em are goddamn NUKE-U-LAR! CHRIST! why didn’t somebody tell me there WERE so many countries!
(static, white noise.)
THE END
