this is exactly why i still, and always will, love Alanis Morrissette. from her latest journal entry (not yet published):
ah 2003.
this one feels raw and exciting and terrifying and promising all at once.
i experienced the best new year’s eve i’ve ever had (read:no expectations,
sweat pants, friends, sitting on the ground).
been waking up in the middle of night with a drive to write which means if i
don’t start soon i will explode (read:the more i’ve been holding in the more
i’ve been feeling depressed, which i at first thought was post-holiday
anti-climatic stuff–which i’ve experienced after every tour, every break-up,
and every christmas etc–post trauma stress disorder haha)–but i now realize
that i feel depressed because i have so much i want to say and get out…that
i’ve been holding all this in and that it’s making me sick…
so for the love of god write and get it out and save some doctor’s bills…
the usual fear of success fear of banality fear of having too much to say to
even know where to begin…
sometimes there are so many options that it’s so overwhelming that i stop
paralyzed in my tracks!!
none of these fears mean much right now because i am pregnant with thoughts
and revelations and empathy and a passion to get it all down…(what form,
who knows who cares, music, photos, words on paper…anything is good).
so what do i wish for you….
i wish..
the opportunity to speak your truth (whether you’re heard or not, but i wish
for you to be heard at least once, in a big way, to know how that feels)…
to walk at the pace that feels good for you (curling up in a ball counts)
the opportunity to live your day to day life the way you would love to see
the rest of the world live…
that you know who your resources are and that you turn to them when you need
some help and that you have the courage to reach out
i wish you humor in everything, no matter how serious it is…
i wish you awareness of your connection to everything, no matter how disconnected we all may feel from each other
i wish you love for all parts of yourself, including the parts that you think are utterly unloveable.
i wish you endless expression in whatever form, whether it’s in how you dress or how you speak or how you cut your vegetables
i wish you freedom from any box or construct that doesn’t encourage life in you
i wish you courage to set your boundaries with clarity and love
i wish you allergy-free white kittens and pillows to fall into when you are despondent and spent and lost
i wish you faith in the moments where it seems stupid and foolish to have it
i wish you moments of blissful solitude and yummy community and safe intimacy in the doses that feel best
i wish you moments of feeling like a student, equal and teacher..all roles spent with you in your power..
i wish you gratitude for all that you have and boot strap up-pulling for when you want to move forward into entirely unknown territory, for that is where i believe liberation and growth is most often found…
i wish this for you.
and i wish this for me.
and i send you love throughout 2003
i’m with you and i’ll be right here….living and stretching and resting alongside of you.
connect soon,
love you,
alanis
