jesus, this shit is hilarious!!
The Very Secret Diary of Saruman the White
Day One
Am bored. No cable in Isengard. Nothing to do but write rude anonymous letters to Radagast the Brown and Manfred the Slightly Ecru.
Perhaps will have a look at the palantir.
Day Two
Have met v. nice guy via palantir. He seems to really like me for me and not just because am most powerful wizard in Middle Earth. Wonder what he looks like.
Day Three
Am becoming disenchanted with palantir guy. Refuses to send me photo, except of one v. large eyeball. Says he is shy but I rather suspect he is fat, or perhaps hairy. Have heard some v. bad stories about palantir relationships. Should probably cool it for a while.
Day Seven
Well, wouldn’t you know, palantir guy turned out to be Dark Lord of Mordor. Just my luck. Could have been worse, I guess. Sauron not fat or hairy, just disembodied force of evil. Must go now, have to raise massive demon army to scourge the earth. Also, have manicure appointment. Is no easy task keeping nails pointy.
Day Thirteen
Am tired of climbing up and down eight million stairs just to taunt Gandalf.
