i am almost angry that i had to send this email to a friend today, who thought that a mutual female friend was hitting on his fiancee last saturday night… he’s been angry with her, so i asked him wtf was up. his response is not included, but this is what i had to say to him about it just now… WARNING: i make some statements herein that may not go over well. i assure you freaks that i am madly queer, if only a lot less than halfway so. makes no sense to me either, but what i’m saying is don’t get too pissed if you see a statement you don’t agree with. these are only my observations, not what i’d ever pretend to be what i perceive as solid facts. i present it, however, entirely unedited. e-mail follows.
PREFACE: i’m sorry, i was going to keep my lousy nose out of it, but i decided that because you’re BOTH good pals o’ mine (sweet children, too) (GnR?) (nevermind), i need to get things straight before the playground that is my life becomes even emptier than it is already. i need BOTH of you on the jungle gym, and pronto, Tonto. and now for my compassionately-angry rant. please know that i don’t mean this to come off as me jumping anyone’s shit, least of all yours.
…and all this happened, i take it, BEFORE i showed up? because i don’t remember any of it, honestly. not one thing you mentioned. and i do know i was there as everyone was leaving. maybe i shouldn’t have gone to the bathroom or something. i wasn’t incredibly drunk either.
but i totally accept the concept that it is perfectly possible that perhaps every single thing you mention happened, yet happened as a passing thing, a joke that was quickly overjoked by someone else’s clever remark, which was in turn also overjoked by yet another clever turn-of-phrase by someone, and so on… to the extent that you are the only one who even remembers any of it… in ANY case, i know for a fact that nothing could have been meant by it. not as anything other than what i would call classic drag humor. by that, i mean that’s like if either you or i had thrown a pair of fake tits on and blew a kiss or pretended to flirt or something deafeningly comical like that. it’s a Python thang, yo’ gots ta unna stan!
so it’s like this: either nothing happened (seems possible), or whatever did happen was MUCH tinier and FAR funnier (although also way more forgettable, apparently) than you might have taken it. look, we’ve both been screwed over by chicks who suddenly wanted to be gay… i just don’t see that happening with either Tricia or Krissy… granted, i really don’t know Krissy very well, but i’m a good judge of character (the Amazing Kreskin says: she’s cooler than shit, dude… SEE??!! i am GOOD.), and i bet neither of them have ever really even casually considered jumping the fence. in my experience, bisexual people are nearly always WAAAAAY less grounded than those two are (in fact, i think it’s somewhat of a prereq to be fairly ungrounded, to a certain extent). what i’m saying is this: they’re both far too straight; they’re beyond gay redemption, beyond gay hope. i honestly doubt any girl in the universe could turn either of them out. luckily for you and Gary, the gay world has lost the battle before it ever began. if it weren’t such a fortunate thing, it would almost be sad.
not that i know jack shit, because i don’t; nor that anyone else’s sexuality is any of my concern, because it isn’t.
in a nutshell: it’s not Trish who’s projecting issues onto you, it’s the other way around. it’s okay, man, i’ve been there too and i’ve flipped out and lived to regret it. you’re not wrong, man… but Tricia certainly ain’t either. it’s a matter of a tragic misunderstanding, and i just have to beg you, you crazy nut, to look past it. Tricia has voiced her intentions clearly, as i see it, as being entirely benign and utterly without a shred of malice. give the girl a break; she was either joking, or silent.
all i know is this (all seriousness aside): this is MY life, and everyone as far as my eyes can see are but mere pawns, toys, playthings in a world of my mind’s own creation. and if i want to play with the both of ya’s at the same time, i’m *GOING* to play with the both of ya’s at the same time, gawd dammit! the cool thing about being omnipotent (NOT impotent; that’s another tirade altogether) is that you don’t have to punish anyone for disobeying, because they are utterly powerless to do so in the first place. *cough*blowjobnowthanks*cough*
