i posted this in HTMLForums. thought i might as well share my thoughts here, too.

i watched part of the memorial ceremonies. the one at the pentagon had some pretty awful music, imho. not to take away from the events themselves, i just hated that horrible, grandiose music.

yesterday evening, i forced myself to watch the PBS specials they showed. got the stomach twisties. it’s strange… i think i figured out why gore fascinates people so much. i noticed that i wanted to see the images of the people jumping to their deaths, which was a disturbing thought (to say the LEAST), until i realised the reason WHY:

i wanted to confront the brutality in the face. i wanted to see that real-life horror footage, as a sort of hairshirt. penance for BEING ALIVE. for the guilt and shame of not having been one of those poor, desperate living beings. a penalty for having been randomly selected to exist at another set of spatial coordinates at that awful moment.

and (of course!) i feel that i have not paid nearly enough for my life.

for the most part, today i ignored the tee-vee. the whole g-d thing has been sponsored by the “heroes” at Coca Cola, Inc.. the anniversary of one of the most tragic events in recent history has been brought to you by $ad_client. it thoroughly f-ing disgusts me.

and the jingoism… the jingoism. it really gets to me. “Patriot Day”? gimme a break. it should have been WTC day, or something more appropriate. hell, how about calling it “September Eleventh”? nothing that happened a year ago had anything to do with patriotism; only overbearing religious zeal and caveman-politics (i’m speaking of the perpetrators).

a friend of mine in SF put together a party and went to eat dinner at an afghan restaurant. now there’s american patriotism – GLOBAL patriotism! HUMAN patriotism! solidarity among ALL!

another friend was in China last year. she wanted to watch the footage, for obvious reasons, but her friends wouldn’t let her. that’s pretty sad. i don’t blame her friends for their feelings, but they should have let her watch it anyway.

last thought on the matter: as an american (yet not directly affected by the tragedy), i’d like to personally thank all the people of the world who showed their love today. i especially am personally touched by the people of Australia, New Zealand, and the U.K., who’ve just been really tremendously sweet… a year ago, and today. your compassion breaks my heart in that wonderful, good way that overwhelming compassion of that magnitude does. thank you. *hug*

anyway… be wary of jingoists… and let there be peace, amongst the living, and the dead.